One Month

It's really hard to believe Adalyn is already over a month old!  Now that pregnancy is over (still rejoicing about that one, btw), time has resumed its normally fast pace.  Besides, there is nothing like a new baby to make you aware of the passing of time, since they change so much every week.  One day I say, "Adalyn doesn't focus on faces very long" or "She hasn't started smiling," and then a few days later she does.

This month has gone by quickly even considering all the difficulties of life with a newborn.  It wasn't helped by the fact that I had two bouts of mastitis, complete with high fevers and feeling horrible.  I was super grateful for the extra help of family when I was feeling really sick.  (If you wonder when you will ever out-grow taking care of sick children, the answer is never!)  I think everyone should live with family when they have a new baby - it makes things so much easier to manage!  It has definitely helped Juliana's transition to still have lots of people around to give her attention.

Reading with Grandma Yaya

Adalyn is now weighing in at 9 pounds, so she is still a little thing, but she's growing well.  She is sweet and cuddly - you can't beat a newborn for snuggliness.  She still sleeps a whole lot, but she has longer alert periods when she likes to observe the world with giant eyes.  She is generally a very content baby; she just gets fussy in the evening as most babies seem to do.

Nursing is going well - much better now that the mastitis is over with.  Baby Addie nurses about every two hours most of the day.  It seems like a lot sometimes, but reading breastfeeding books is a good reminder that it's perfectly normal and healthy for a baby to eat often.  I know that it won't be long before she is waiting a little longer between feedings, which does make it easier to go out and plan activities.  Besides, she is going for much longer spells at night, so it's hard to complain.

We are continually amazed by Adalyn's sleeping!  When she was firstborn and then when I had mastitis and then again when I had mastitis, I had to wake her up to nurse frequently, but now that I don't have to wake her up, she routinely sleeps for 3-4 hours at a time.  Last night she actually slept for 5 hours straight!  At 5 weeks old!  It's really hard to believe.  I've heard of babies like this but never thought I'd actually have one.  We were happy if Juliana did that any time in the first year.

Adalyn still prefers to sleep cuddled up next to mama (what baby wouldn't?), and that is where she spends most of the night.  I enjoy cuddling with a sleeping baby, but we have been trying to get her okay with sleeping in her bassinet some of the time as well.  She is usually pretty restless in her bed, squirming and grunting and spitting up a lot, but sometimes she does okay.  We raised the head of her mattress, so hopefully that will help with all the spitting up.

We are enjoying her recent smiles

I keep remembering how things were with Juliana at this age and being amazed by how "easy" Adalyn is in comparison.  Of course, partly the second baby is much easier because everything isn't as stressful and perplexing, but I can already see a big difference in their personalities.  Juliana had the most expressive cries - even from birth she was pretty adept at letting you know exactly what she was thinking.  And mostly she was a happy baby - as long as someone was holding her.

With lots of willing arms around, Adalyn certainly gets plenty of holding in throughout the day, but she is also okay with hanging out in her bouncy chair looking around or sleeping.  She likes being cuddled in the wrap but she is content in the stroller as well.  I feel like Juliana was unhappy almost anytime she was put down.  Which is in keeping with her current desire for continual interaction with others.

Juliana has done well adjusting to her role as big sister.  She calls her "my baby" and likes to hold her and give her hugs and kisses.  She talks to her a lot and says things like, "Don't cry baby!  Don't cry!" and "You're a cute baby!  You're a cute baby!"  She also likes to sing, and if baby is crying she just sings louder.  Adalyn finds all Juliana's noise soothing.  She has also already perfected her "resigned" face for when Juliana holds her or doctors her or sings very loudly in her face.

Sister love (can't you see the resigned look?)

We are really enjoying baby Addie.  Juliana is great fun and has brought lots of happiness and energy to our lives.  We love her vibrant personality...but we're also pretty happy to have a more laid-back baby this time around.  It will be interesting to see how Adalyn's personality develops as she grows.

He Ran Through an Airport With Me

A few months ago I read a blog post which referenced this quote:
"My love life will never be satisfactory until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight." - Teenage post of the week via Huffington Post
(The post talks about what love really looks like in real life - well worth checking out).

At the time, Kevin pointed out the absurdity of waiting until the last minute when the girl has already spent lots of money on a ticket and may never see her luggage again - not to mention the guy would have to buy his own ticket to get through security - couldn't the guy make up his mind before then?

Kevin and I have had a lot of airport moments in our relationship, but in 3 months of dating, 8 months of engagement, and 6 years of marriage, not once has he begged me not to get on an airplane while romantically declaring his undying (if somewhat belated) love.  And I'm okay with that.  Because...

He has run through an airport with me.  More than once, in fact.  Most recently after a ridiculous delay, he ran ahead through the airport to convince the airline employees to hold the flight for us while I ran behind (pregnant and sick) balancing Juliana on top of a cart full of luggage.  They held the flight and we avoided spending $1000 on new tickets.

This sixth year of marriage may not have involved a lot of crazy romantic gestures, but it's been made up of many real life, small moments of commitment and care.

He made me breakfast in bed during the weeks when I was too sick to get up in the morning.  When I couldn't handle walking in the kitchen and wouldn't even let him bring Chinese food in the house, he found something for him and Juliana to eat every day.  He put Juliana to bed every night when I was busy throwing up, and he kept doing it after I had stopped throwing up and was just tired.

He cleaned up throw up - mine and Juliana's - on multiple occasions without complaining.  He was thrown up all over by a sick Juliana and he still kept holding her.  (This year held a lot of throw up.)

He went to the supermarket and vegetable market and to buy milk and carted Juliana around on his bike when I was sick at home.

He packed boxes and repacked boxes when a certain small person unpacked them.  He sorted through stacks of papers and got rid of things he would rather have kept to satisfy my desire to purge.

He relinquished more and more of the bed as I took it over with increasingly large numbers of pillows in an attempt to get comfortable.  He got up with Juliana in the mornings so I could sleep longer.

He fixed the toilet and the light and the vent and put back up the classy plastic in the broken windows.

He occupied Juliana on long plane flights and walked with her in airports so I could sit down.

He drove really fast without endangering any of our lives so we could get to the hospital on time for the baby to be born.

He searched out good deals on plane tickets and found a way to get us extra frequent flier miles for our trip back to China.  He figured out all the logistics for getting passports and visas.

He was patient when I was snappy, difficult, critical, and unappreciative.

He never stopped me from getting on a plane.  Instead he got on the plane with me and has stayed with me ever since.

Happy sixth anniversary, Kevin.

The Birth of Adalyn Lucia

Note to the reader: This is a birth story, and while not at all graphic, if words like dilation and placenta make you squeamish or you think storks will be involved in any way, don't say I didn't warn you.

The Birth of Adalyn Lucia
A contraction woke me up shortly before 1am.  I had been waking up to painful contractions for weeks, but this one felt different - deeper and more intense.  I tried to ignore it and had almost drifted back to sleep when the next one came, strong enough I decided I'd better start timing.  They were coming at 7 minutes apart, and I knew I should rest during this early labor but it was already hard to lie down through the contractions.  I went to the bathroom and when another one hit I thought, "Man, this is already painful and I'm just getting started!  I'm not sure about going through all this again..."  I came out and knelt on the floor for one more contraction, realizing they were now 5 minutes apart.  When I got my breath back, I pulled myself up to the bed to tell Kevin we'd better get ready.  As he stumbled out of bed and began collecting our things, I called up to my mom, who was coming with us to the hospital.

I didn't feel a huge rush yet, but I knew it would take a few minutes to get ready, and I was thinking of the 40 minute drive to the hospital.  It didn't take long, but I had to pause several times to moan and sway through contractions.  I told Kevin to drive (the seat was already adjusted for him, so I figured it would be faster), so mom climbed in the backseat behind me.  Mom told Kevin to relax and drive carefully; I told him it was okay to speed.  I vaguely watched the clock and noticed the contractions were now 4 minutes apart.  Kevin noticed as well and picked up his speed; in the backseat mom called the midwife to let her know we were on the way.

Moments after we pulled out on the 55mph highway, the blue lights appeared behind us.  "It's okay," I said, "Surely he won't give us a ticket!"  In mercifully short order, the cop was walking toward the car shining his flashlight toward us.  Kevin started yelling out the window, "My wife is in labor!  We're trying to get to the hospital!" while mom called similar things from the backseat.  The cop apparently decided there was no other good reason for a largely pregnant lady, her mother, and her slightly frantic husband to be barreling down the highway in the middle of the night.  "Well, I guess I can't verify that, but I'll let you go.  Just try to keep it to 70 instead of 77mph."  As he walked away he called back, "Congratulations and good luck!"

We were back on the highway, crawling down the road at 70mph.  There wasn't much I could do during contractions, being restrained in the car, so I just gripped the door handle and moved my head slowly back and forth as I moaned through each one.  I tried to compare to my last labor - these contactions seemed somewhere in the middle - close and intense but still manageable.  At my appointment the week before I was 5cm dilated (incidentally the same starting point for my 16hr labor with Juliana), and I hoped I would be at least 6cm when I got to the hospital.

I couldn't make sense of the clock anymore, but Kevin was watching the contractions go from 3 minutes to 2 minutes apart.  Between contractions I was mainly aware of traffic lights and tail lights.  Fortunately the roads were pretty empty at 2am.  We turned off the highway into Athens - the hospital was tantilizingly close but we were stopped by a red light.  The road was deserted.  I was going to tell kevin just to run it, but he swung right, made a U-turn, and turned quickly back on the road.

Less than a mile from the hospital a pack of cars suddenly pulled out in front of us, blocking the whole road, driving under the speed limit, and waving their UGA flags. "They are probably drunk and don't want to get pulled over!" Kevin groaned.  I've never been less of a UGA fan than at that moment.  Honking, tailing, and loud swearing all seemed like appropriate responses, but I guess you don't want enraged drunk people blocking your way.  A few frustrating minutes later we turned off into the hospital.  I was very glad to have finally arrived, and I didn't feel a huge sense of urgency.  The contractions were strong but still manageable.  We pulled up to the ER; Kevin jumped out, I heaved myself from the car, and mom moved around to take it to park.

The moment we reached the registration desk another contraction hit and I gripped the edge, moaning.  The registration nurse started asking questions which Kevin answered since I obviously couldn't speak.  Suddenly I felt it: that unforgettable, overwhelming need to push.  "Pressure!" I gasped, and Kevin immediately moved to put pressured on my lower back.  "No," I cried as my water broke, "I feel PRESSURE!"

The nurse kicked into high gear, calling again for transport.  "Don't push!" She said, "You don't want to have this baby right here - don't push!"  Which I imagine is kind of like telling someone having an ashma attack to"just breathe," but I tried my best.  Childbirth books should really include more information on how to keep from having a baby.

A few minutes later a security guard, apparently the only person around, came running up and told me to sit in the wheelchair.  "I can't!" I cried.  Movement at this point seemed impossible.  It felt like she was crowning, but I thought, "No, that's ridiculous.  Not already!"  I managed to lower myself into the chair and we were off.  Kevin stayed behind to sign some forms (he has no idea what he signed) and ran after, catching us just before the elevator closed.  Which is fortunate, since otherwise he would have missed the birth.

As I gasped and panted and tried not to push through another contraction, the security guard said in a slightly panicked voice, "Don't push!  Don't have this baby on me!  We're almost there."  We raced through the back hallways and I heard her yelling for the nurses as the labor and delivery came into view.  (The waiting nurse later said she thought I was the one yelling, until she saw me sitting there calmly while the security guard ran up hollering.)

The nurse led us into a room and began getting the IV antibiotics ready, asking me to get on the bed.  It felt like an impossible task - only the second time this labor that I felt like, "I can't do this!"  I heaved myself onto the bed and landed on all fours just as another contraction hit.  The nurse was saying, "I just need you to lie down so I can get in the IV."  Before I could comply or even reply, I felt the force of my body bearing down and cried, "I feel the head!!"

And sure enough, I reached down and felt that the head was out.  The nurse immediately abandoned the IV saying, "Oh goodness!  Lie down!  I need you to lie down!"  In the third semi-impossible move, I managed to flip over onto my back.  The nurse shoved my skirt out of the way saying, "Okay, give me a little push," and out came the rest of the body.  The baby broke into lusty cries.

The feeling of relief was overwhelmed by the shock of seeing the baby lying on the bed.  I couldn't believe it had happened so fast.  Less than 10 minutes of trying not to push and here she was!  It was 2:35am - less than 2 hours since the first contraction, 10 minutes since we arrived in the hospital, and less than a minute since we got to the room.  The nurse was excited because it was her first delivery, but it happened so fast she didn't even have any equipment.  She put Adalyn on my chest and a moment later another nurse brought in the supplies.  We waited for the cord to stop pulsing, then Kevin cut it.

My midwife and my mom arrived at about the same time, both rather surprised to see the baby already there.  "I should have met you in the ER!" my midwife exclaimed.  As she delivered the placenta the nurse asked when my contractions had started.  When I told her it had been less than two hours she said,  "Yeah, I'd call that a precipitous labor!  Next time, if you even think about going into labor, you'd better head for the hospital!"

Mom and Kevin didn't get to play their labor support roles quite as they imagined, but they ended up playing other vital parts like driving fast and parking the car.  And while I'm sure mom was disappointed to miss the birth, she was probably glad she didn't have to deliver the baby herself!  It was a shockingly fast labor and so different from Juliana's, but I'm grateful for both.  The last one taught me a lot about strength and perseverance and how even a very painful experience can be very positive. And this one, well, it does make for a good story to tell!

Adalyn Lucia

Likely you've already heard through some other means, but she's here!  Adalyn Lucia was born on September 21 at 2:35am.  I was only two days overdue, but it felt like weeks, and I was so happy for her to come.  When she was ready though, she sure came quickly!  The whole labor lasted less than two hours and we made it to the hospital with just 10 minutes to spare.  It was very different from Juliana's birth (16 hours with intense back labor) and a little shocking!  Stay tuned for the full birth story which I am working on writing up.  It's an exciting one.

I discovered the name Adalyn after we found out we were having a girl.  I had never heard it before but I really loved it.  It took us until a few weeks ago to finally settle and agree on the name, though.  Kevin came across the name Lucia and I especially liked the meaning and that it wasn't super common.  Finally at about 37 weeks I said, "We have to decide on a name!  I don't want this baby to come and we still don't know what to call her!" (This was back when I still thought she'd be early.)  I like her name more and more and I think it's very fitting.

We have considered calling her "Addie" as well, which I think is a really cute nickname, we just haven't gotten around to it yet.  Juliana had a hard time remembering "Adalyn" at first and I told her she could call her Addie, but she has decided pretty definitely, "It's NOT Addie, it's ADALYN."  She also likes to call her, "my baby," "my sister," or in moments of less enthusiasm, "that baby."

Adalyn (ADD-ah-lyn) means "noble."  We want our daughter to remember that her lasting heritage is one of nobility - not in a cheesy "you're a princess" sense, but in a sense of both identity and responsibility.  Her primary loyalty is not to a country or a religious or political ideal but to a King and a kingdom.  Lucia (loo-SEE-ah) means "bringer of light," a meaning I especially like.  Wherever Adalyn Lucia grows up and wherever she goes in her own life, we want her to be one who brings light into every situation.  We don't want her to just settle down in places that are easy and already filled with light but instead to seek out places in need of light.

Our Chinese friend Charis helped us choose a Chinese name for Adalyn.  We became friends with her over the past year and she spent a lot of time going with me to doctor visits during the pregnancy.  I joked that she should either charge commision or we should name the baby after her.  We didn't actually do that, but I appreciate having a name chosen by someone special.  Adalyn's Chinese name is 林晏清 (lin2 yan4 qing1).  林 is the family name, which means "forest." 晏 means "brightness, serenity" and 清 means "purity, nobility."  I appreciate that the name has a similar meaning to the English name, and Adalyn will appreciate that the name is not too difficult to write!

Adalyn is now a week old and off to a good start.  After overcoming the intial barrier of incredible sleepiness, she is nursing well and her weight is good.  She has even shocked us by sleeping well!  She has been giving us some 2 and 3 hour stretches, something we rarely saw from Juliana.  She likes sleeping with mama but doesn't seem to suffer from a strong aversion to her own little bed, unlike some previous children we might have had.  She is pretty contented most of the time, just sleeping or hanging out quietly looking around.  She certainly looks different from Juliana, with all her dark hair, and it will be interesting to see her different personality emerging as well.  Juliana has changed a lot since she was a week old, but I don't particularly remember her ever being described as "chill" or "mellow." :)

Overall I have found recovery to be much easier this time around.  Of course, the labor was about 14 hours shorter and a lot easier, so that's not too surprising!  I have had an unfortunate encounter with mastitis, which left me with a high fever and feeling miserable.  It is starting to improve, though, and I think once I can get past that I'll really feel better.  And even though I've already had a nasty encounter with mastitis, almost every day I think, "I'm so glad not to be pregnant anymore!

Juliana is making the adjustment to big sister pretty well.  The first few days she was absolutely wild with excitement - imagine Juliana at three times her normal energy level.  It was quite spectacular, really.  When we came home from the hospital Juliana came out to greet us jumping up and down and yelling with all her might.  She likes to give Adalyn kisses and hugs; otherwise she is realizing babies are actually pretty boring.  She is proud of being a big sister but even more happy to be a 姐姐 (jie-jie...big sister), probably because she is used to everyone else being the 姐姐.

My grandmother brought Juliana a new baby doll which she named Jovus (just like the only other doll she has actually named, so now she has "Big Jovus" and "Little Jovus.").  The doll came with a bottle, which is always fun, but when Juliana saw it she said, "The baby doesn't need that!  I can feed her," and she pulled up her shirt to nurse her.  She learns fast. :)  Then she ran off to her room to sleep with Jovus.  She was very strict about us all being quiet and spent a lot of time rushing back and forth to her room because Jovus was crying.  We took our babies out in their slings and had a nice little walk around the yard.  I think Adalyn enjoyed her ride more than Jovus, however, who was discarded before the end.

We are really appreciating being with family and having lots and lots of help, particularly with me being sick.  With so many people around there is always someone ready to hold the baby, and fortunately Juliana still gets lots of attention.  And I have been glad we have been in America during this time, since medical complications always seem much more difficult to deal with in China.

So far we are are one week into this and about 1000 pictures behind where we were with Juliana.  We also haven't even applied for the passport yet, which will hopefully get taken care of next week.  It's nice to not have quite such a rush as last time and strange to think this one will be nearly five months old before her first international excursion.  She's going to have some catching up to do!   In the meantime, we are just focusing on sleeping and nursing and keeping relatively happy in between.

Pregnant Woman Learns a Lesson

Yesterday was a busy day.  It was Juliana's third birthday, which was filled with balloons, Minnie Mouse cake, cards and packages in the mail, birthday pizza, party hats, and presents - all of which were greeted with immense excitement.  In China it was Mid-Autumn Festival, one of the major holidays of the year.  Almost as important in certain sectors of society, it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day.  And not so widely noted but certainly memorable to me - it was my due date.

I know, I know.  A due date truly has about as much meaning as an imaginary line on the horizon, and only about 5% of babies are born on their due date.  I wasn't expecting the baby to come on her due date; I was sure she would already be born.  Juliana was born four days early, so it seemed reasonable to believe this baby would come early too.  That's pretty much what I've been thinking the whole pregnancy, and most of the past month I really felt like she could come any day.  I don't know how many times I've thought, "She will SURELY come before ___!" (see lesson #3 below.)  It's been a long month.

And now I have passed over the imaginary invisible line into the land of "overdue."  I know, I know. A baby isn't truly overdue until a couple of weeks past the due date, and it's just as normal for a baby to be born a week "late" as a week "early."  But somehow it's hard to convince yourself of that, particularly in our induction-happy culture.

The uncertainty of these last few weeks have been especially difficult to handle.  I've had frequent, increasingly intense contractions for weeks (see lesson #4 below) and a couple of times when it seemed like labor was really starting.   Then there are all the normal annoyances and discomforts of being 9 months pregnant, summed up in the general feeling that your body is slowly self-destructing.

I could handle all those better if I could just sleep.  I usually wake up about a dozen times a night.  Not that I actually count, but I really don't think I'm exaggerating.  I doubt I ever sleep longer than an hour, sometimes much less.  If I don't wake up as many times it's usually because the fifth or sixth time I just stayed awake for hours.  In other words, I sleep like a baby.  So the idea of resting up before the baby comes sounds nice, but it's just not going to happen (see lesson #5 below).  I do remember the exhausting newborn (and not-so-newborn) days, and I know what I'm in for, but the possibility of 2hrs sleep in a row sounds kind of nice right now.

I may have mentioned once or forty times that I haven't had the most fun with this pregnancy.   Perhaps that's why I thought it would end early - it only seemed fair.  Besides, first babies are supposed to be late, not second babies, right?  And we all know that pregnancy and life operate on strict principles of fairness (see lesson #1 below).

I was reminded the other day that 40 is one of those significant numbers in the Bible.  40 days of rain on the ark.  40 years wandering in the wilderness.  40 days being tested in the desert.  All periods of trial and tribulation.  Some people apparently thrive on those 40 weeks of pregnancy, but trial and tribulation seems a more fitting description for me.  Everybody knows you're supposed to learn something from all that trial ("what doesn't kill you" and all...), and apparently I need some extra time to learn my lesson.

Here are a few of the lessons I have learned recently.
1. Your mom was right.  Life isn't fair.
2. The powers of my wishful thinking are shockingly ineffective.
3. Never make assumptions about anything because life rejoices in proving you wrong.
4. Whoever said Braxton-Hicks contractions are painless was either a man or a woman going through transition in labor.
5. Helpful advice like, "Enjoy this time of pregnancy!" and "Get rest while you can!" are about as helpful as racial slurs or bashing on a person with disabilities  and may get you a similar response.
6. Oh yeah, I'm not in control.
7. It's possible that I don't know everything like the best time for this baby to come.
8. I can either drive myself crazy with angst and impatience or let go and let it happen when it happens.
9. Apparently no one has been pregnant forever.

So I'm waiting and trying to breathe and be patient.  (No honestly, this is me trying.)  This baby will come sometime like tomorrow or next week and defintely not any later than 2 weeks (when they would induce).  (Which, by the way, would be October and completely unacceptable.)  This eternal pregnancy will actually end and I'll finally get to meet that baby I've been waiting for.  It's going to be great.

Monsters who throw up

Juliana has recently developed a fascination with monsters.  She's not really afraid of them; she's just obsessed.  There are monsters in the closet, in the bed, under the bed, under the table, outside, inside, and inside her tummy.  Mostly they are silly monsters, or friendly monsters, or monsters who eat people and then throw up.  Her newest imaginary friend monster is named Ju-Ji-Ja-Ja (also the name of her favorite made-up song).

I'm not sure where the monster thing started - perhaps from recent talks with friends.  This summer she watched the Veggie Tales episode where Junior is scared of monsters.  She learned the song, "God is bigger than the boogie man."  She also learned she ought to be scared of monsters.  A few weeks ago she watched Monsters Inc., and she loved those silly monsters.  We realized we have to be careful about what books we read at bedtime.  After reading "Froggy goes to Bed," Juliana wondered why she didn't get a snack before bed and insisted her door also be cracked open.  When we read "Bedtime for Francis" (Francis is an imaginative child who stays up wondering about the noise outside her open window, the crack in her ceiling, the monster in the chair, and the fact that she is inordinately hungry.),  Juliana was also concerned about the crack in the ceiling (there isn't one), the open window (it was closed), and naturally, the monsters.  When she woke up the first morning the first thing she said was, "Francis had a crack in her ceiling."  We hid the book; Juliana found it and wanted to read it again.  Who wouldn't?

While Juliana shows little actual fear toward monsters, she has developed a number of other phobias.  Dogs, for example, which is kind of a problem since my parents have a dog.  She is fascinated with the dog.  She likes to feed her scraps from the table and call inside and outside and get her fingers licked - all from the safety of the other side of a baby gate.  If she ever happens to end up in the same room as the dog, she starts screaming.  She has also developed a fear of spider webs, any type of bugs, and being alone in any place ever.

Of course, Juliana has always had an aversion to being alone.  When she was a baby, her definition of being alone was anytime someone wasn't touching or holding her.  Seriously - she loved to be carried and hated to be put down anywhere.   Once she started getting around on her own she didn't want to be held all the time, but she used her new mobility to make sure she was never more than 3 feet away from another person.  The first time she played in another room, on her own, for more than 10 minutes I was shocked and a little worried about what's going on.  She's gotten much better about playing on her own, but if she actually asks me to leave the room, that probably means she's about to do something she shouldn't.  Her most used phrase is,"Will you play with me?" followed by, "I don't want to be lonely!"

At this point in time, if she goes to the bathroom by herself (even with the door open where she can still shout at you), she is lonely.  Besides, there is a monster in the shower.  This also applies if you go to the bathroom by yourself and she is not standing nearby inspecting the toilet paper.  If she has to walk into another room by herself or if you walk into another room without her she cries, "I don't want to be loooonely!" Her first response to bedtime is, "I don't want to sleep by myself!  I don't want to be lonely!"  She is finally sleeping on her own in her own room again, mostly without waking up during the night, but she will only go to sleep if the door is open and daddy is sitting outside where she can see him.    She certainly seems suited for a communal life.  Perhaps it's her reaction to not being in a country with 3 billion people.

Full Term

Tomorrow I will be full term, 37 weeks pregnant.  Finally, the end is in sight.  My body is gearing up and progressing well (4cm).  I'm glad to know all the contractions I've been having day and night, which have become increasingly more uncomfortable the past few weeks, have actually been doing something!  Unfortunately I know from last time that the progress doesn't necessarily mean much for either early delivery or fast labor.  37 weeks may only be the beginning of full term, but I'd still like to think I don't actually have three more weeks! And surely it couldn't be more.

Actually the end has been a little more tolerable this second time, I think because the whole rest of the pregnancy was more miserable.  But I wouldn't be at all sad if baby was a bit (weeks) early.  I may have mentioned before that I don't exactly love being pregnant.  Unfortunately, general intolerance with being pregnant doesn't seem to make baby in more of a hurry to come.  Just ask my cousin who has been miserably sick for the past 39 weeks.  I'm just super glad to not still be nauseous and throwing up all the time!  I'll take an awful lot of back aches, sleeplessness, heartburn, contractions, fatigue, and general aches and pains over being sick.  Still, there are times in life when three weeks seems like a very long time.

My cool belly henna

I have had a couple of wildly productive weeks in which I accomplished all five of the items I mentioned in my last post: got henna, borrowed baby items, bought cloth diapers, wrote newsletter, and ate more guacamole.  I even did a few other things as well, like made cloth wipes, packed a hospital bag, bought a big sister present for Juliana,  painted a big sister shirt and little sister onesie, and hung out with my very pregnant friend and very pregnant cousin, speculating how much longer pregnancy would really last.

In preparation for labor, I have been re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and contemplating how cool it would be to meet Ina May (a legendary midwife).  I also created a birth plan, which wasn't too hard since it was very similar to my last one.  The term "birth plan" still seems a little off, since the years in China have left me skeptical of plans in general - how often do things actually go like we expect?  I appreciate the idea though - an opportunity to contemplate and discuss your childbirth goals and ideals. 

Everything didn't go exactly as I imagined when Juliana was born (she was face-up so I had a lot of painful back labor, there was meconium in the fluid so they had to check her out and I didn't get to hold her immediately), but in general I was still able to have the kind of birth I desired.  Before having Juliana, I really hadn't thought much about childbirth until meeting with my midwives and taking a course geared toward natural childbirth.  Since then, childbirth has become a topic of particular fascination for me.  I love learning about the ways our bodies are created for birth and hearing positive birth stories.  I have come to view childbirth not just as something to get through with as little pain as possible but as an important, powerful experience in itself which results in a beautiful new baby.  Not to mention the end of being pregnant!

This time I already know one "hitch" in my plans beforehand.  I tested positive for group B strep (a bacteria up to 30% of women carry off and on, without actually being sick), which mainly means I will need to go to the hospital soon after labor starts to receive antibiotics.  I would have preferred to labor at home for a while before going to the hospital, but it shouldn't make a huge difference.  I should be able to create a comfortable laboring environment, and I feel confident in my midwife not pressing for unnecessary interventions.  I'm also not excited about being hooked up to an IV while receiving the antibiotics, since it will be harder to move around, but I'm glad it won't have to be the whole time.  Fortunately the baby's odds of receiving the infection are very small, 1 in 4000 when the mother receives antibiotics.

Aunt Becky's hand-sewn quilt with animal pictures she drew (she made a similar one for Juliana with pictures from children's books)

I still have a few more projects to keep me occupied as I wait for baby, but all of the vital things have been accomplished.  We have a car seat to take baby home from the hospital.  We have a baby sleeping basket in case baby actually sleeps on her own sometimes, and we have a bed rail for co-sleeping.  I have washed all our newborn clothes and blankets.  Baby also has a couple of really cute new blankets from Grandma Yaya and Aunt Becky.   I have a bunch of washed newborn diapers and some cloth wipes made.  I am working on a cloth book with pictures Juliana has drawn for baby, things like "babies with lots of tails" and "roads with tape."  It's supposed to be a present Juliana can give the baby, even though it will take a while for the baby to care.  We already have a big sister present for Juliana which is the important one.   So anytime baby wants to come she can just come right ahead.  Anytime baby, anytime.

Grandma Yaya crocheted this Noah's Ark afghan

Shī Shì shí shī shǐ ("Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den")

By Kevin

One of the frustrating things about learning Chinese for a foreigner is the number of homophones (or homonyms, if you prefer) -- words that sound either exactly the same or nearly the same. In English we have plenty of homonyms. I'm sure English learners struggle with "two," "too" and "to," but it's nothing compared with Chinese. 

The number of homonyms make it easy to misunderstand Chinese when hearing a word or phrase taken out of context.

I was reminded of this when going through my Chinese flashcards the other day. On my phone, I often use a flashcard program called Memrise to help me remember vocabulary. I have it set up to sometimes play the audio for a word, then ask me to provide the definition. When you don't know the context of how a word is being used (like, say, in a flash card program), sometimes it's hard to guess its meaning. A simple word like shī could mean "teacher" (师), "wet" 湿 "poem" 诗,  "lion" 狮 or "corpse" 尸. And  if you aren't careful to listen for the intonation of each word, it might be impossible. Change tones and you could wind up with "time" "ten" "true" "stone" "food" or "to know." And that's just with the second tone - there are four (plus a neutral tone). There's even a famous Chinese poem concocted to show the limitations of pinyin (courtesy of wikipedia) that only uses the sound "shi":

Shī Shì shí shī shǐ

Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī.

Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī.

Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì.Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì.Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì.Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì.Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì.Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī.Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī shī, shí shí shí shī shī.Shì shì shì shì.

In characters, it looks like this:

石室詩士施氏，嗜獅，誓食十獅。氏時時適市視獅。十時，適十獅適市。是時，適施氏適市。氏視是十獅，恃矢勢，使是十獅逝世。氏拾是十獅屍，適石室。石室濕，氏使侍拭石室。石室拭，氏始試食是十獅。食時，始識是十獅屍，實十石獅屍。試釋是事。

Translated, it means: 

"Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den" 

In a stone den was a poet called Shi,

who was a lion addict,

had resolved to eat ten lions.

He often went to the market to look for lions.

At ten o'clock,

ten lions had just arrived at the market.

At that time,

Shi had just arrived at the market.

He saw those ten lions,

and using his trusty arrows,

caused the ten lions to die.

He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den.

The stone den was damp.

He asked his servants to wipe it.

After the stone den was wiped,

he tried to eat those ten lions.

When he ate,

he realized that these ten lions

were in fact ten stone lion corpses.

Try to explain this matter.

Even compound words made up of two or more characters can sometimes be difficult to guess without context. When the audio for shí jiè appeared in my context, I had to think carefully. After all, there were four different words I'd learned with similar pronunciation. With this exact pronunciation, it can mean "season" (时节) or "the 10 commandments" (十诫). With different intonation, " shì jiè" can mean "the world" (世界 shì jiè) or "field of vision (视界). And shījié (失节) means disloyal, whereas shǐjié ( 失节) is a diplomatic envoy. My dictionary lists at least 13 different meanings for "shi jie."

Often this is one of my biggest difficulties when conversing with a Chinese friends. I might think I understood what somebody was talking about, but then find myself suddenly confused. I'd look up a word that I thought I understood and discover that it has a homonym that has a completely different meaning, which I was unsure of. It's one of the reasons one of our teachers, when we came to China assured us that "the first ten years (of studying Chinese) are the hardest." 

Chinese people often ask me why I don't listen to more Chinese radio or watch more Chinese television (I really should, but my listening level is closer to Juliana's than that of an adult, so her cartoons are somewhat suitable for me). The puns are one reason. It's just harder to catch those things when someone's speaking fast and I can't interrupt them to ask a question to clarify meaning. Hoping that we'd have enough Chinese to understand a Chinese cross-talk program (a popular category of skit) after two years of study is clearly a stretch. Chinese humor is all about puns and wordplay. And more and more, the internet is filled with it. 

Last semester, my tutor pointed me to an assortment of relatively obsolete characters, which are gaining new life on the internet. One example is the character 囧, pronounced jiong. On the internet, it's basically transformed into an emoticon to express embarrassment. Look at it -- it's a bit . But even more, people have been using words that sound the same as a word that has been put on a blacklist by the government, trying to convey an entirely different meaning. 

This article gives some perspective: 

According to Moser, the Internet has become a place for people to play with the Chinese language. Puns and wordplay have a long history in Chinese culture. Chinese is the perfect language for punning because nearly every Chinese word has multiple homophones. Homophones are two words that sound similar but have different meanings like hare that rabbit-like creature and the hair on your head. In Chinese there are endless homophones.

“Because there are so many homophones there’s sort of a fetish about them,” says Moser. “As far as the culture goes back you have cases of homophone usage and homophone humor.” Many times forbidden or taboo words in Chinese are taboo precisely because they sound like another word.

A good example of this is the number four, which in Chinese sounds like the word for death and the number eight, which sounds like the word for prosperity. Moser has a Chinese aunt who used to work for the phone company and she could make money selling phone numbers. People would beg her for a phone number with a lot of eights. “People would actually give her gifts or bribes for an auspicious phone number,” says Moser.

Today, wordplay online has less to do with getting auspicious numbers and more to do with getting around censorship. Moser cites an example of a recent phrase he saw online mentioning the Tiananmen Square incident – only the netizen didn’t use the words “Tiananmen Square” or even 6/4, which refers to the date the incident took place. Tiananmen Square and 6/4 are both censored online. Instead the netizen referred to the “eight times eight incident.” Moser was confused when he first saw the reference. “And then I figured out, eight times eight is 64,” says Moser.

The Internet is ripe with clever examples of how people evade the censors. However, censorship is just one reason netizens play with words online. Another is the very technology that enables people today to input Chinese characters onto their cell phones and computers.

Jack Wang explains how he types Chinese characters with his phone. He uses an English keyboard and uses the pinyin system. Pinyin is the method for converting Chinese characters into our alphabet. For example, the Chinese word for “today” is 今天, which is rendered into pinyin as “jintian.”

Wang types the English letters “jintian” on his phone. As he types the first three letters, “jin” a list of Chinese characters pops up on the screen. Each different character sounds just like the word for today, “jin” but means something completely different. Wang points to each possible character and explains its different meaning: gold, clothes, only, and finally 今, the character for “today.”

Everyday, people are typing in a word like “today” and seeing all of the potential homophones for that word. This says David Moser has fueled wordplay like never before.

“I think that’s given rise to a lot more puns then would normally have been uttered in the earlier days when you had to just pull everything out of your head,” says Moser.

People have gotten even more creative playing with this input system to intentionally create new Chinese slang, translating English phrases into pinyin and then into Chinese characters. The meaning of these new words can seem random but they’re not. For example the Chinese character for glass, 玻璃, pronounced “boli” has come to mean “gay man.” Turns out, the slang term actually comes from an English phrase, “boy love.” But netizens have abbreviated the phrase into the English letters “B L” and then they looked for a similar abbreviation in Chinese, typing “B-L” into their computers and out popped the character for glass. “Suddenly the word glass was being used for male homosexuals,” says Moser.

Beating censors sounds like a great idea for proponents of free speech. But I think it probably only works for native speakers. For us foreigners trying to learn Chinese, it's a recipe for disaster. If Chinese people start using Chinese characters to convey meanings that are completely separate from their literal meaning, the likelihood of me catching it is next to nothing. Unless I have someone "in the know" to explain that someone is describing that man as a "bottle" means he's homosexual, the meaning will completely fly over my head. I'd probably guess they mean the man is weak, or easily breakable. 

If you enjoy Chinese and seeing the difficulties of translating these many different homophones into English, be sure to check out my Chinglish book "Chinese + English = Chinglish" on Blurb and Amazon.

In the Land of Biscuits

Let me begin with a shocking confession: it has been days - days - since I last ate guacamole.  As I think about it, it seems a little sad but I haven't actually missed it too much.  We can in fact buy guacamole in Georgia, but one of the real benefits of California is knowing people with avacado trees in their backyards.  It's probably the reason so many people live there despite the crazy gas prices.  That and something about the good weather.

I have been surprisingly lax in my avacado consumption, but I have had some really good biscuits and cornbread so it probably makes up the lack.  Somehow biscuits just taste better in the South; it must be the humidity.  I've actually been enjoying this thick, Southern air, even though I've grown accustomed to drier climates (after 24 years of humidity, can you believe I've lived in semi-desert areas for the past 6 years?).

After two weeks of relative health we all succumbed to colds once again.  Juliana bounced back pretty quickly (she has an enviable immune system), but after more than a week Kevin and I still show no signs of improvement.  My last cold/sinus infection lasted 4 weeks, but Kevin usually gets over colds pretty quickly.  Apparently our sinuses are experiencing some severe reverse culture shock.  So while August in Georgia is usually a bit oppressive, right now walking around in a giant humidifier is pretty soothing.

The day after we got to Georgia I got to see my midwife and was reminded of how much I love her.  She chatted with us about my cousin (whose baby she delivered 4 years ago), her husband and son's recent trip to China and how she has somehow ended up with a large Chinese clientel - both graduate students at UGA and people from Shanghai coming to have their babies in the US.  She answered our questions and talked about how much she likes second births.  She joked about only accepting second time moms because the labors are usually so much faster and you already know what to expect.  The practice now has three midwives on rotation including a new one we'll meet next visit.

Other than the doctor's visit, we really haven't been anywhere or seen anyone except my family since coming back.  One day we'll get over these colds, hopefully in time to see my cousin and good friend before they have their babies the beginning of next month.  Two of my sisters are at home, though, and Juliana is having a wonderful time bossing everyone around.  She would definitely enjoy communal living.

In between resting and blowing my nose (I'm really enjoying tissues with lotion - good job America), I also unpacked our suitcases, something I never quite got around to in CA.  All our clothes are nicely organized on closet shelves like we actually live somewhere!  I also made several to-do lists, including things we should probably do before the baby is born.  By the time I made the lists I was too tired to actually do anything on them, but at least now I feel organized.  Top on my list of things to do, once I actually get feeling better:
-Get henna (priorities, right?)
-Borrow baby stuff (she may end up in our bed for the first months anyway, but it would probably be good to get the carseat before she comes)
-Buy baby diapers (we bought some super cute one-size cloth diapers in China, but since they'll probably be too big the first month or two, we're planning to buy some newborn prefolds as well - still cheaper than a couple of months of disposable diapers)
-Write a newsletter (It hasn't been the greatest year for newsletters, but we should probably write one in between the last "guess what we are having a baby" and the next "guess what she's here".  What can I say...there's been maybe one month out of the last eight that I haven't been sick.)
-Eat more guacamole. (That wasn't actually on my to-do list, but maybe I should put it there.  I have really been slacking off.)

Next update: Why I love Midwives, The Benefits of Tissues with Lotion, or A Social Commentary on the Giant Size of American Shopping Carts.  Or perhaps I will just write a newsletter.

Our American Summer

I've planned to write several blog posts in the past few weeks but somehow it's never happened.  It's funny how you can not be doing anything specific and still stay busy.  I guess we are experiencing the typical American summer.

I would pause here to make some cultural observations but they are all still too muddled.  After living away from your "home country" for long enough, you stop looking at it through insider eyes.  It makes more sense to take on a mindset more similar to when you first moved to another country.  It's not as confusing, because you still understand most of the rules, but some of the rules and some of the players have changed and nobody can tell you exactly which ones.  And sometimes it's just you that have changed - your inner rhythm is different from before, so you feel one step off from the world around.  Which isn't much different from how you feel in your "borrowed" country, except that nobody expects you to fit in there.  The nice thing is, after a while you just don't care as much.

Other than making vague cultural realizations, the past few weeks have been busy with seeing people.  Almost all of Kevin's friends and family are still in the general LA area (novel, huh?), so there are lots of people to try to catch up with every summer.  It's not quite as urgent this time since we will be back by the end of the year.  It's not long time compared to normal, but I guess, "If we don't catch you this time we'll try to work it out in 4 or 5 months" does seem kind of long.

Juliana has been having a great time playing with friends, with Nana and Gramps, and with her new toys.  She has been doing lots of drawing and made my sister a beautiful card full of spiders for her birthday.  She has done well during all our driving all over.  It helps that she can amuse herself by talking and singing for hours.  She likes to make up new songs.  Her latest hit, "I'm Lying on my Knees," reaches previously unmatched intensity and decibles.  She has already acquired a play house and car, so obviously she is adjusting well to American life.

I am busy being pregnant.  Overall I have been feeling better now that we're done with all that packing and moving and traveling craziness, but sometimes pregnancy catches up with you.  You might forget that your body is still working hard to grow this ever demanding (or at least ever active) baby...until you do too much and your body decides to not-so-politely let you know what it thinks about that.  The good thing about pregnancy is that you get to know that some day this madness will end and your body will get along with you again.  Apparently some people really love being pregnant.  But then some people love Nascar, asparagus, and Chinese opera, so there's a lot I don't understand in the world.

And I am now less than two months from my due date!  Juliana was 4 days early, so I'm holding out hope this one will be early too.  I sure wouldn't mind, and the kiddos probably wouldn't mind having their own birthdays afterall.  Of course I would like for baby to wait until she's actually ready to come out.  And definitely until after we make it to Georgia two weeks from now.

Last week we found out we are having another girl!  I didn't have a strong feeling or preference either way, I was just eager to find out.  Kevin had kind of been hoping for another girl, although he was thinking maybe it was a boy because I was much sicker this time.  We are excited for Juliana to have a sister, and we do have lots of cute girl clothes already!  When we bought a little outfit for the baby, Juliana was excited and tried to claim it for herself.  Which is pretty much how I expect the future to be.

Now we just need to decide on a name.  We aren't planning on revealing the name until the baby comes anyway, but it would be nice for us to know before then!  We asked Juliana what she thinks her little sister should be called, but since she calls her dolls "dolly" and "new dolly," and her stuffed cat "kitty," I don't think she quite gets the naming concept yet.

I promise to update again sometime in the next two months before baby arrives. In the meantime, we'll continue to enjoy our daily guacamole, try to see a few more family and friends, and ask baby to please be nice to mama.