Wednesday, September 6, 2017

You Might Be A China Foreigner If...

...an abnormal number of your family pictures were taken in airports

  1. You frequently refer to yourself as “a foreigner.”
  2. When you walk in the house, the first thing you do is shed your shoes.
  3. You have a container of air filter masks beside your door.
  4. Most of your friends have a drawer of reused ziplock bags.
  5. You make home repairs with chopsticks, coat hangers, and random pieces of wood.
  6. Your friends think your home repairs are ingenious instead of trashy
  7. You give and receive cereal for Christmas.
  8. You have carried a stroller, a baby, and groceries up 4-6 flights of stairs.
  9. Taxi drivers frequently ask how much money you make.
  10. You have asked other people about their salary, age, weight, or how much they paid for their belongings
  11. You plan your laundry by how many clothes you can dry on your laundry porch
  12. You have favorite cities from which to browse the internet via VPN (I’m partial to Toronto)
  13. You have at least 25 backup locations for your VPN and routinely go through 3-6 of them trying to get a connection.
  14. People stop in the road, or slow down to drive right next to you, so they can stare at you.
  15. You have ever inadvertently caused a traffic accident because someone was staring at you while driving.
  16. A friend has told you you look fat to your face and doesn't expect you to be offended.
  17. Your children frequently confuse the American and Chinese flags, because they both have some stars.
  18. Some part of your ceiling is crumbling, but then so is everyone else’s.
  19. Your refrigerator is in a room other than your kitchen.
  20. One third of your small freezer space is filled with either coffee or cheese.
  21. You have been criticized for not dressing your baby in thick, padded layers when it is 80*F outside.
  22. Your 1-2 month old baby is met with horror instead of delight - because what are you thinking bringing them outside??
  23. Your “family vehicle” is half the size of a compact car and maxes out at 25mph.
  24. You have ever had a stranger show at your door and try to invite themselves in to hang out with you.
  25. You have ever had a stranger follow you around the supermarket, down the road, or back to your apartment, begging you to tutor their child or teach at their school.
  26. You have ever had a strange guy try to get your phone number - and he wasn’t hitting on you.
  27. A child has ever stopped and stared at you open mouthed or run away screaming.
  28. You have ever looked outside your window and noticed half a dozen new high rise buildings going up.
  29. One of your first thoughts when pregnant is, "What country will we have the baby in?"
  30. Your friends think you are strange for not leaving your baby in another country with the grandparents.
  31. Your unborn baby has ever been complimented on her "tall" nose and foreign features.
  32. You have ever had a doctor call out your weight, lift up your shirt, or discuss bodily symptoms in front of a room full of (fascinated) strangers.
  33. You have been asked why your 1 year old baby is still in diapers.
  34. You choose your clothing based on how well it will survive in the washer, how quickly it will line dry, 
  35. You choose pajamas that are acceptable for your neighbors to see, because at least 50 windows look into your own.
  36. You have an ayi who helps clean your house or babysit your children - amaaaaaazing.
  37. Your ayi loves your family and also thinks you are insane.
  38. Your floor looks dirty 30 minutes after mopping, even though you never wear shoes inside.
  39. You start to wonder if you did get sick because of going barefoot on tile, drinking cool water, or sitting in front of a fan.
  40. Your doctor or nurse has taken pictures with you or your children.
  41. Whenever you travel, you wear your heaviest shoes.
  42. You have ever traveled with a backpack that was heavier than your checked bag…and you weren’t backpacking.
  43. You prefer squatty-potties in public because you don’t have touch anything.
  44. You are shocked and excited to find soap in a public bathroom.
  45. You have ever carried a tiny cup of urine across an entire hospital to the lab.
  46. You have ever rifled through 50 strangers’ lab results to find your own.
  47. You request everyone buy your children small, lightweight toys.
  48. The concept of closets is now a little perplexing to you.
  49. You have a fruit lady, a bike guy, a milk guy, a vegetable lady, and a honey guy.
  50. You buy your meat in the morning before it gets too hot.
  51. Your milk, eggs, noodles, and soup all come in little plastic bags.
  52. Your children will only eat yogurt if it comes through a straw.
  53. When you have been to a restaurant the waitresses have “borrowed” your baby to show around - leaving you with free hands for eating!
  54. You have biked in a skirt or holding an umbrella.
  55. You consider any flight less than 6 hours “short.”
  56. You ask your friends questions like, “Where do you find three ring binders? Who is your online cheese seller?”
  57. Your children are photographed by strangers pretty much every day.
  58. There are literally thousands of pictures of your children all over the internet.
  59. Whenever you go to a tourist attraction, tourists are as interested in you as the famous site.
  60. You have ever gotten your picture in the paper for wearing short sleeves before May 1st.


1 comment:

JPB said...

Oh my oh my, how we can relate, even though we spent only one year in Singapore and the Philippines with a new born some 39 years back