Our plants are slowly dying. Our ayi (house helper) planned to come and water them while we were away, but two days after we left, China shut down. Even if she could have gotten across town on the infrequent buses, she would not have been allowed access to our home. People are only allowed to enter the complex where they live. So our plants are dying. We can only hope they aren’t smelly, rotten plants by the time we return.
We planned to be back in China two weeks ago. Kevin would have been preparing his classes. The girls would have started back to school. We were planning to reorganize the office into an office/bedroom with the loft bed we planned to put together for Adalyn. Plans, plans, plans.
During our first week away, we began to feel the uncertainty of the future. As the days passed we became increasingly convinced that we would have to delay our return. The airlines confirmed this suspicion by canceling our return tickets without an option of rescheduling. When a friend asked about my plans for the following weekend, I said, “I don’t know!! I don’t even know where we’ll be a week from now! How can I possibly plan so far ahead?”
A friend who was on her way back to China after a time in the States said, “I had all kinds of worst-case scenarios of why we wouldn’t get back into China. You know me – I thought of lots of possibilities. But I never considered this one!”
We certainly didn’t either. When we left only two days before the Wuhan quarantine began, we still had no inkling of the impact it would have. Kevin had mentioned, “Did you know there is a new pneumonia-like virus they discovered?” and I didn’t think anything more about it. Then we watched as China was quickly turned upside down.
Mixed with my deep concern for China I felt a lot of selfish anxiety. What will happen? When will we be able to go back? What will we do? An epidemic and future uncertainty does wonders for pre-existing anxiety. I just wanted to know what would happen.
Catching the coronavirus was not at the top of my worry list, but I nearly had a panic attack when we walked into the Bangkok airport. We didn’t have any masks! After we hunted around and found some at an airport pharmacy, I felt a little calmer. Even though there were mixed opinions on how helpful masks actually are, it was one thing I could control. Along with, “Don’t touch that! Don’t touch your mouth! Here is some more hand sanitizer!”
I even found my own prejudice coming out. I instinctively tensed up when I heard people speaking Chinese. Then I remembered how incredibly prejudiced and hypocritical it was; I JUST CAME FROM CHINA!! As Juliana loudly announced to some fellow passengers who backed up a little further in line. I was embarrassed to see how quickly my mind turned to racism.
In two more weeks we plan to return to China with just enough time to renew our residence permits before they expire. (fingers crossed!) We don’t know what things will be like at that point, but we will almost certainly be quarantined for two weeks. Fortunately, as long as we don’t travel through one of the “riskier” provinces, we can be quarantined in our apartment instead of a hotel! Unfortunately that quarantine could look like anything from a paper seal to a bar across our door ensuring we do not go out. Apparently someone will bring us food during this time. Should we rig up a pulley system up to our 5th floor window? We are allowed to open windows. I think. Maybe I should check on that.
Meanwhile I am mentally taking stock of my pantry. I’m pretty sure I bought a big bag of flour so I can make bread, and I know we have several jars of peanut butter. I wish I could remember if I have any frozen butter left. Kevin’s birthday will fall within the quarantine. In the days of Taobao, I no longer need buy western baking and cooking supplies in Thailand. This year I will be stocking up. I plan to bring an entire bag of things we might need, anything non-perishable and maybe some frozen butter and cheese.
By the time our full quarantine is lifted a month from now, we are hoping some of the safety protocols will have relaxed a little bit. Maybe? In our city currently, one family member is allowed to go out every other day for two hours to buy food. They must sign in and out of their neighborhood, go through temperature checks at their neighborhood gate and at the supermarket, and bring a “pass” to be allowed in. I’ve never enjoyed shopping, but this could change my attitude. “Yay, it’s shopping day! Aka. leave the house day!”
We will be able to go outside our apartment in whatever area of campus is deemed our “neighborhood.” But if it is too often I’m sure we will be scolded. At this point we are not allowed into anyone else’s neighborhood. So even though we may be the first expat family to join our lone expat family friends, we won’t be able to see them.
At some point, slowly, all this will change. The virus will be contained, at least enough. We will rejoice at each hint of openness. Just this week our friends saw EIGHT cars on the road at one time! While this would happen every minute in ordinary times, this past month the roads have been deserted. Another friend walked out her gate and instead of turning right to the nearest supermarket, she turned left to walk to the further-away one - and nobody stopped her!
I definitely feel some nervousness about the quarantine, but the thought of all our friends in China gives some perspective. While we have been enjoying lots of time outside, they have been mostly stuck inside their apartments for months now. Small apartments. Whole families on top of each other or singles on their own with no one to talk to each day. It has been a hard time for all.
The other day our ayi messaged to say she was concerned about us and we should stay in as much as possible. I told her not to be concerned. I didn’t tell her we were going out as much as possible while we can.
One day we’ll all look back and say, “Yeah, we were in China during the coronavirus. That was crazy.” It will join the ranks of hospital adventures, language embarrassments, and really awkward encounters; painful moments that make good stories. Our grandchildren will look at us with big eyes and say, “Wow, you are soooooo old. And what’s the coronavirus?”
