Childhood Theology

Easter Sunday

JULIANA - 3 YEARS

Juliana appeared at the top of the stairs by herself. When reminded she wasn't allowed to climb the stairs on her own she replied, 

"I wasn't alone. Jesus was with me. I wasn't scared." 

Clever, clever three year old.

 

JULIANA AND ADALYN - 8 AND 5 YEARS

When children bless the food they don’t like:

Adalyn: Dear Jesus, thank you for the food last night.

Juliana: Dear Jesus, thank you for the food and help it not to taste bad…

 

JULIANA - 4.5 YEARS 

Juliana: But I WANT juice. 

Me: No, you don't need juice. Wanting something doesn't mean you need it. 

J: But I said PLEASE. That means I should have it. 

Me: Please isn't going to change it. 

J: Then what will?

Me: Nothing. I already said no. 

J: JESUS could. If he wanted to. 

 

ADALYN - 4 YEARS 

Adalyn: God is a clown.

Me: Um, why?

Adalyn: Because he is everything.

 

ADALYN - 2 YEARS 

Adalyn: When I'm a little baby...

Juliana: You will never be a little baby again. You will just get older and older and then you will die.

Adalyn: And then you go to jail.

Juliana: No, then you go to heaven.

Adalyn: Heaven is jail.

 

JULIANA - 3 YEARS

Juliana and I were talking about how God loves us.

J: But if we don't love God then he runs away?

Me: No, God still loves us even if we don't love him.

J: Like when I am mad at you, I still love you?

Me: That's good.

J: Well, actually I don't.

 

JULIANA - 2 YEARS 

Yesterday Juliana was trying to avoid cleaning up like I asked her to, so she decided to start praying instead. Good one, Juliana.

 

JULIANA - 6 YEARS

Juliana (singing): Up from the grave she arose!

Me: Actually it's up from the grave "He" arose.

Juliana: No, Jesus can be either a boy or girl.

Me: God is not a boy or a girl, but when Jesus lived on earth he was a boy.

Juliana: No, he could be either. He had long hair.

 

NADIA - 3 YEARS

Nadia picks up a thumb-drive.

Nadia: What's this?

Me: It's a thumb-drive.

Nadia: Is that God?

Me: What? I don't understand. How is it God?

Nadia: I can see God in it.

Me: Umm, okay. How can you see God in it?

Nadia: Because it came from God.

Me: Well, no. It's a thumb-drive.

Nadia: Can you drive with it?

 

JULIANA - 2 YEARS

Me: Jesus is here, we just can't see him.

Juliana, looking around the room: "Oh, he's hiding??"

 

JULIANA - 3 YEARS

Juliana: Let's kill the bad guys!

Kevin: We don't have to kill the bad guys. Maybe we can help them not be bad guys. That's why we need Jesus.

Juliana: Jesus can help us kill the bad guys!

Kevin: No, Jesus can help them not be bad guys.

Juliana consults with Jesus: Jesus said he will help kill the bad guys!

 

 JULIANA - 3 YEARS

At dinner Juliana said, "You can't eat God! Then he would be all gone in your tummy. And I would get throw ups."

 

JULIANA - 4 YEARS

(Singing) You should pray to Jesus, not to sticks and stones.

You should be nice to Jesus.

MONSTERS!!

There's monsters in our home.

MONSTERS!!

If you pray to sticks and stones Jesus will send MONSTERS.

So how 'bout if you love Jesus

Instead. of. sticks. and. stooooones!

 

THE GIRLS - 10, 7, 5 YEARS 

The girls swimming at our hotel pool:

They started playing "Baptism," which involved shoving someone backwards under the water in a violent form of dunking and then quickly swimming away. Nadia was yelling, "Help! I don't want to be baptized!" 

Later Adalyn said, "I want to be baptized in our church because they don't put you in the water. But if I get baptized somewhere else, I will bring my goggles."

 

And my personal favorite...

 

JULIANA, ADALYN - 6 AND 3 YEARS

From the bedroom...

Adalyn: I need my blanket on!!

 Juliana: Ask God to help you.

Adalyn: I need my blanket on!!

Juliana: God, I pray that you would put Adalyn's blanket back on.

Adalyn: GOD'S NOT HERE!!

 

 

The World According to Children, Part 1

I really don't think I'm biased in saying my kids are extraordinarily funny. I have so many good quotes, I had to divide them into a blog series.

JULIANA, 5 YEARS

While pregnant with Nadia.

Me: Right now, baby is the size of a carrot.

Juliana: A carrot?? I've never seen a carrot come out of someone's belly.

Me: No, that's just how big it is.

J: The carrot's brother or sister?

Me: No, the baby.

J: The baby carrot?

Me: No! carrots grow in the ground. I'm just talking about the size of the baby.

J: So it's a person baby?

Me: Yes!

J: Oh...I knew it was a person baby. I just thought its name was carrot.

 

JULIANA, 4 YEARS

Juliana: I will marry God and then I will be a princess.

Me: You mean a nun?

Juliana: I will marry daddy and then I will be a princess.

Kevin: I'm already married to mama.

Juliana: It's okay. You can stop being married to her and then you can marry me.

(a few minutes later) How will I know if someone loves me? I think you and mama can find someone for me to marry.

Kevin: You might change your mind about an arranged marriage, but we can help you to know if someone really loves you.

Juliana: EVERYONE loves me.

 

JULIANA, 3 YEARS

Juliana: Moo, moo, moo.

Mama: Are you a cow?

Juliana: No, I'm a girl who says 'moo.' 

 

JULIANA, 4 YEARS

Juliana, struggling with her clothes: "I'm trying to get my shirt tucked into my pants, but it just won't LISTEN to me! "'

 

JULIANA, 3 YEARS 

Juliana: Yaya! I'm making your stairs beautiful!

(as she puts Mickey Mouse stickers on the stairs)  

Me: The stairs might not be the best place for stickers.

Juliana with shocked expression: You don't want beautiful stairs? Yes you do!

 

JULIANA, 5 YEARS

Did you know you can eat ice that's clean? Did you know that? I ate ice once. But it was a long time ago. #thirdculturekid

 

NADIA, 5 YEARS

Nadia to Adalyn: 

How do you spell mama? 

How do you spell dada?

How do you spell stop? 

How do you spell George Washington?

 

NADIA, 2 YEARS 

Desert book: "What do you think of when you think of the desert?"

Nadia: "Um...Pandas!!"

Desert book: "desert, desert, desert..."

Nadia: "Where's the pandas?"

 

NADIA, 3 YEARS 

Finishing Nadia's birthday cake.

Me: My arm is so sore from mixing.

Nadia: My arm is so sore from tasting.

 

ADALYN, 8 YEARS

Adalyn, whispering to mama: The secret message is "Valentine’s card break."

Nadia: I heard you! You said valentines. And you said break. "

Adalyn: No, I was talking about something else. I said Barack. I said I wonder what Barack Obama is doing for Valentines Day.

 

JULIANA, 8 YEARS

Driving to the store with just Juliana.

Juliana: It's pretty nice to have only one kid in the car. It's much calmer, isn't it? I can hear the songs on the radio. I like that. It's nice to have some peace and quiet." ... [talks continuously the rest of the way]

NADIA, 3 YEARS

When our plane was taking off to fly back to China, I suggested Nadia say goodbye to America. She said, "Bye bye America! Bye bye America! [perturbed] It's not saying goodbye back to me!!"

 

NADIA, 5 YEARS 

Me: "There's no place like home."

Nadia: That's not true. There are SOME places like home.

Me: It means that home is the best place to be.

Nadia: Well, I think Chuck-E-Cheese is the best place to be.

 

JULIANA, 3 YEARS 

Juliana outside on the swing: "Hi shadow, how are you today? I'm fine. Shadow, what did you do beautiful today?"

 

ADALYN, 7 YEARS

There is a pop song the girls like that says, "I like me better when I'm with you."

Today Adalyn was singing, "I like everyone better when I'm alone." 

She has a point.

 

ADALYN, 1.5 YEARS

Adalyn standing next to me as I was cutting up a banana for her oatmeal: "I'm sorry 'nana!"

 

ADALYN, 8 YEARS 

I just found the best thing in my life - this wrapping paper roll!

 

JULIANA, 3 YEARS

Juliana at lunch: I was glabroabua...

Me: We can't understand you when your mouth is full.

(A few minutes later)

Me: Juliana, I need you to sit back down and finish eating.

Juliana: I can't understand you because my mouth is full.

 

NADIA, 5 YEARS

Nadia: What's this?

Me: It's a card from a friend, saying they are sorry that Anna died.

Nadia: Why are they sorry? They didn't kill her.

 

JULIANA, 7 YEARS

Packing to move, the girls discovered a bag of throwaways.

Juliana: You can’t get rid of this! I’ve been looking for it! It’s my favorite!!

Me: It’s a hanger.

 

JULIANA, 4 YEARS

Juliana, looking at her Barbie backpack: Who is that?

Me: Maybe Cinderella?

Juliana: NO! it's Barb...eque.

 

ADALYN, AGE 6

Adalyn: Barbies are different from people. Because Barbies can turn their heads all the way around.

 

JULIANA, 2.5 YEARS 

Juliana's expert travel advice: "You ride on an airplane. You ride on a train. You drive on a bus. If you touch trash you get sick. If you don't sit in your seat you go CRASH fall down. And then you go waa-waa!"

 

ADALYN, 8 YEARS

You know the best time to kiss someone (on the lips)? When your lips are dry. 

 

NADIA, 4 YEARS 

Nadia: Do we have a xylophone here?

Me: I think so. It's a little different from the one in China though.

Nadia: WE DIDN'T BRING OUR XYLOPHONE??

 

ADALYN, 8 YEARS

Today we didn't wear masks to church for the first time in a long time, so I put on some lipstick in the car. As I was blotting it with a tissue, Adalyn said, "Oh no, do you have a bloody nose?" I guess it's been a while. 

 

JULIANA, 2.5 YEARS

Me: Do you want banana in your Chex (cereal)?

Juliana: I want...I want a CAKE in my Chex.

 

 

NADIA, 3 YEARS; ADALYN, 5 YEARS 

(jetlagged) 

4:30am trying to get Nadia to go back to sleep:

N, screaming at the top of her lungs, "IT'S BORING TO SLEEP!!"

 

9:30am trying to get Adalyn to put clothes on:

A, lying on the stairs wailing dramatically, "I hate paaaaaants!!"

 

JULIANA, 2 YEARS 

Juliana has taken to asking and answering the questions she thinks we should be asking her. In her imaginary world we give her everything she wants.

Juliana: "Do you want another cracker? Okay! Another cracker!!"

 

JULIANA, 5 YEARS 

Kevin: I have ancestors from Sweden, and Norway, and Netherlands.

Juliana: NEVERLAND??

 

 

The Year Nothing Feels Right

Much as I theoretically love the Christmas season, past Decembers have often been hard - sickness and depression and polluted skies and exhaustion. This year we haven't been sick too much, the air is clear, and thanks to modern medicine, my depression is improving.

But still.

This year nothing feels right.

Grief pierces unexpected moments in the midst of ordinary life.

Decorating trees and

viewing lights and

– loss –

and singing songs and

baking cookies and

– loss -

joy and grief

and confusion

and heaviness and

– loss –

---

We went to my parents’ house to help them decorate because there is nothing like the excitement of children to make these things feel worthwhile. We hung all of Anna’s personal ornaments collected since childhood. They blended in amid all the others, just like always.

Then mom pulled out the stockings. We each have personalized stockings my mom made over the years for children, sons-in-laws, grandchildren, cousins and grand-cousins. This year we finally have ours shipped from China. All of the stockings are together at last!

She looked at Anna’s stocking and stopped. “What do we do with this? We can’t not put it up.” For 32 years, that stocking hung on the mantle with the rest of the family’s. So many years ago mom carefully stitched the name “Anna” in sequins.

In that moment, the wrongness of it all broke through again. How do we have this stocking that Anna will never again open? She can’t just be gone. How does someone just cease to exist on earth? It shouldn’t be this way.

---

As I strung the tree with lights, the girls exclaimed over the ornaments. Juliana said, “Hey look at this funny ornament!” She was holding up the ridiculous brocolli-as-a-Christmas-tree picture that Anna once found in a magazine when we were kids. We both thought it was so funny that she made it into an ornament for me.

Every year for many years I asked for a harp for Christmas even though I knew I wouldn’t get it. One year Anna worked with my grandfather in his workshop to make me a “harp” from wood and guitar strings. She knew what I really wanted and her six year old self tried to make it come true.

As children we would say, “Christmas is two months away!” and then, “Christmas is two weeks away!! Remember when it was still two months away?” and we laid in bed at night talking about how slowly time moved.

We paged through the giant Sears catalog and decided which toys we wanted most. We searched for the hidden stash of presents (usually in mom’s closet) and argue over who was getting which toy.

I remember standing at the top of the stairs, waiting for the “okay” to come down and see the Christmas tree. Anna had kept her secret for so long she just couldn’t handle it any more and told me what my present was.

We missed a lot of adult Christmases during our years in China, but when we were there, she worked to make it special for the girls. She put up a tree in their room and bought – or made! - matching Christmas jammies.

I celebrated 21 Christmases with Anna. All of my memories of Christmas with my family are wrapped up with her.

-----

When we visited Santa at Bass Pro Shop the day after Thanksgiving (I did not think that through), I really wanted to text Anna.

“We are stuck in line behind this very talkative lady who doesn’t believe in the vaccine and thinks the hospitals are getting paid to fake virus cases and it’s all a conspiracy by the Chinese government and oh my gosh it’s been 30 minutes of this!!”

“Juliana is totally (nicely) giving it back and challenging everything this lady says with, “but actually…” and I am so proud of my child right now.”

“Now she is saying something about paying on your phone as a sign of the end of times??”

And Anna would have texted back about how people are stupid and Juliana is awesome and also WTF?? I can predict almost exactly how she would have responded.

---

This year I decided to make Christmas cookies for ALL the people. Somehow the list morphed into 34 people/families/groups. It’s one of those decisions I made when I wasn’t thinking so clearly, and I wonder, “WHY did I chose this year of all years?” 

Some days I enjoy mixing up cookie dough and doing all the Christmas things. I am actually happy, plugging in the Christmas tree lights every day and sitting by the fire. I feel energized watching the girls' Christmas performance.

Other days, I feel like I am dying. I am so emotionally exhausted that my body hurts. I wonder how I will be able to press through all the way through Christmas. I wonder why I am putting all my energy into making cookies while the laundry piles up, the dining table has been practically inaccessible, and I’ve resorted to “I don’t know, just find something” dinner.

I guess I need to expect the unpredictable ups and downs. I try to save some energy for those days I feel like death. I try to give myself grace in this year instead of guilt over not doing all the things. Sometimes I am successful.

I just wish I had Anna to say, "Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking. Did you make some that are allergy friendly? Gluten free? Vegan? Nut free? That's important. And did you make some for me? 😀"