Not Quite Excited

by Ruth

It's only two more weeks until we head back to China, and I'm not quite excited about it.  There have been times in the past when I have dreaded going back to China because it was China.  Now I am starting to feel a lot more at home in China; I am just intimidated by what lies ahead of us.

First, we'll leave here at around 3am to start our ~30hour trek across the world.  We will be tired before we even start!  After three long flights and a couple of long layovers, we will arrive in Yinchuan.  We have an apartment waiting there, but we don't even really know where it is or how to get there.  Someone is supposed to meet us at the airport to lead the way.  When we find our apartment, we will need to carry all our luggage up to the 6th floor.  Our baby will want to crawl around on the dusty, dirty floor while we look through our boxes of belongings (already waiting there) to find useful items like sheets and towels.  Too bad I have no idea where they are packed.

Then we will spend the first week staying up all night with a jet-lagged baby and trying to get her back onto a normal day/night schedule before our classes start.  During the day we will be trying to unpack and get settled in, find the supermarket and vegetable stores, buy cleaning supplies and clean up the apartment, buy a refrigerator and water machine,  set up internet, and entertain a tired/confused baby.  And after that restful week of getting settled in, we will start our very busy lives as students, where we will try to fit in both of us taking classes, meeting with tutors, having team time, doing regular household stuff - oh yes, and taking care of Juliana all the time.

On second thought, let's just go back to Weinan.

Grumble, grumble, groan.  Anyway, we will get through it all, and I am looking forward to a few months from now when we have gotten more settled in and are figuring out our stride with life as students.  We will know where to find thing at the supermarket and which vegetable ladies are the nicest.  We will have found some favorite restaurants (including a PIZZA place nearby!!).  We will have gotten to know some of the other people around.  Maybe Juliana will be sleeping better (hahahahahaha).

I know these next two years will be difficult and busy, but I think they will be good as well.  I am looking forward to being around some families.  While I am daunted by the actual learning process, I am excited about knowing more Chinese and being able to communicate better.  I hate moving to a new place, but I like getting settled in there, and I'm glad we get to stay there for at least two years.  Who knows, maybe we will even be able to settle in for longer!

Venturing to wider seas of Chinese

By Kevin

Some friends recently posted the following prayer, which challenges us to dream and risk big rather than  follow the comfortable status-quo. As we prepare for the next stage of living overseas (two years of language school) we hope not to arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore, nor to allow the abundance of things to drown our thirst for the waters of life:


The Prayer of Sir Francis Drake
Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

As we prepare for the next stage of living overseas (two years of language school) we expect challenge and difficulty. We hope not to arrive safely because we took the easy route and sailed too close to the shore, nor to allow the abundance of things to drown our thirst for the waters of life, but rather to dream big, risk difficulty and venture into the wider seas where we can depend in faith on the Master

Juliana the Crawler

After a couple months of crawling in reverse, and several days of taking a step or two, Juliana crawls across the room just in time to celebrate Independence Day.

9 Months Out!

Juliana's so silly sometimes!  She likes to play with her pacifier and put it in sideways and upside-down.

Now that the packing and moving and leaving China craziness is over and I am hanging out in America lounging in a ridiculously soft recliner and drinking extremely cold water, I thought I should give another Juliana update for those of you that haven't (or haven't yet) gotten to see her this summer.  People keep saying that 9 months is a significant age because she has now been "outside" longer than she was "inside."

While Juliana has certainly grown and has some adorably chubby legs, she is still a petite little kid. She can still fit into some of her 3-6 month clothes! Her long fingers and toes (along with her exceptionally tall Felt relatives) indicate height in her future, however.

Peering at the doggy

Some kids are on the go and getting all around the house by now, but Juliana is moving at her own pace. She still isn't crawling, although she has become adept at scooting around backwards and spinning in circles to get to what she needs. Just today she pulled herself up to standing for the first time. She is definitely more focused and detail oriented. She is content to sit and look at books for half an hour or will spent five minutes examining the tag on a toy. She also has an exceptional talent for finding cords.

Juliana is quite talkative despite her lack of words. Her favorite sounds are “bababababa” and high-pitched “eeeeeee!” She can say “dada” and “baba” (the Chinese version of dada). I try to get her to say “mama,” but she just responds with, “Baba. Dada. Dadadabababa.” Oh well. She loves me anyway.  She also loves to wave bye-bye and clap her hands.

Discovering watermelon

Juliana has been eating solid food for about three months now, and she usually eats with a relish. We often add garlic seasoning. She loves it, and I think it's fun having a baby with garlic breath. I have tried to introduce finger foods, but she's still doesn't quite get it. She still only has 2 teeth, though, so she doesn't have a lot to chew with. She will put everything into her mouth except finger foods. She just looks at cheerios like, “what is this?” and has a good time throwing them on the floor. She does enjoy sucking on a nice piece of watermelon, though. She still nurses throughout the day (and once or twice at night), and I plan to continue nursing her for a while longer.

A very exciting recent development is that she has finally started to sleep decently!! Our last week in China she started sleeping a 5-6 hours stretch at night. Then we had to go and mess everything up with jetlag. The last week was not so fun, with Juliana waking up every half hour more often than not and didn't want to sleep at all until 3-4am. I was afraid she would never go back. But then these past few night she has started sleeping better again. Last night – get this – she slept from 8:30pm-3am, woke up briefly, slept from 3-4am, was changed and nursed, and then slept from 4:30-7:30am. Amazing! We are filled with hope. One day she may even learn how to nap well.

Loud squeal in process

One of the things I love most about Juliana is that she is really happy almost all the time. She smiles frequently and laughs easily. So long as someone is around to talk to her every so often, she will play contentedly with her toys for an increasingly long time. Any form of peek-a-boo is sure to make her squeal with joy. The Felt's dog makes her super excited, as do books, bathtime, other children, measuring cups, tickling, mirrors...well, she gets a kick out of most things in life. And she just loves her mama and daddy, except when we are putting her to sleep or ganging up on her with the bugger-sucker.

Riding around in her new Ergo carrier ($20 on Chinese taobao.com)

She is adjusting well to America, although she is a bit leery of all the 'foreign' faces. When she met new Chinese people she almost always treated them like her best friends. She does warm up to Americans...after she takes some time to figure out why they look so funny. She loves all the new fun toys at Gramps and Nana's. She is getting to experience carpet and grass and non-toxic bathwater. She is not a fan of the car-seat, however, and usually loudly protests this unfair confinement.

She doesn't look like a little baby anymore; I believe she has officially graduated to Big Baby status. She is cuter than ever, if that is possible. Her hair is slightly longer and still blond with a tiny red tint. Her eyes are still bright blue, much to the delight of every Chinese person. And we get to see her little dimples whenever she smiles, which is about every 10 seconds.

So to sum it all up, she's pretty much the greatest baby ever. Hope you get to see her soon!

Posing with her new Chinese friend and waving bye-bye

Honorary Father's Day

Sunday, aka. REAL Father's Day, was the longest day ever. Literally – our day was 39 hours long, and unfortunately about 24 of it was spent in travel. Not such a fun way for Kevin to spend his first father's day, though he did get to eat Burger King and El Pollo Loco, watch almost all of a movie on the plane, and sleep for at least an hour. Or was it half an hour? Anyway, we decided it would be best to have an honorary Father's Day on a day that involved a little less travel and a little more sleep.

In honor of Kevin's first honorary Father's Day, I thought I would share a few of the ways I think he is already a great father. In no particular order...

*He changes a lot of diapers. I know there is that whole stereotype of men never changing diapers, but from day one Kevin has changed tons of diapers. I think he has officially gained expert status.

*I really, really appreciate our similar parenting philosophies. I know some guys hate to have a baby sharing their bed, but Kevin has been totally cool with co-sleeping. He hasn't wanted to do 'cry it out,' even though it would probably be the easiest solution. When I threw out the idea of doing a little Elimination Communication (infant potty training), Kevin was like, “Ok, let's start today.” When we go on walks, he's more likely to go for the baby carrier than the stroller. When I talk about the weird/non-traditional parenting ideas I read about, he doesn't just say, “That's crazy!” Except maybe when I was explaining placenta encapsulation...

*It's obvious that Juliana loves her daddy! Even if she is in the middle of nursing, she gets totally distracted when Kevin comes into the room. She twists all around to follow him with her eyes and tries to catch his attention so she can beam at him.

*Kevin plays fun games like 'toss the baby in the air' and 'blow rasberries on the baby's tummy' that can make Juliana's fuss turn into giggles mid-cry.

*He doesn't shirk from 'nighttime parenting.' After I get Juliana ready for bed, Kevin sits with her, pats her back, sings to her, and helps her go to sleep, even when it takes an hour. When she wakes up during the first part of the night, Kevin gets her back to sleep, even if she wakes up 5 times in 3 hours. If I have been up with her for two hours and am about to lose it, he takes over. Sleep has definitely been the most challenging aspect of parenting this child, and I don't think I could have stayed sane without Kevin's nighttime help.

*Like every new father, Kevin felt very hesitant about his parenting abilities at first. It took him (and me!) a little while to figure out how to handle the baby. I don't know if he still feels completely confident, but I think he acts like a natural. He can do pretty much everything except nurse her, and can do most things with ease. When I have been bedridden with a stomach bug (which has happened several times), Kevin has taken care of Juliana all day long and gotten up with her all night long.

*I know it is often more difficult for guys than girls, but Kevin is learning how to multitask! He has learned how to heat up baby food one handed while holding the baby. He can work on the computer while Juliana plays, pausing to interact with her every few minutes so she doesn't feel neglected. He can hang up laundry while entertaining the her (once he let her play in the washing machine, haha!).

*He is usually patient with me when I am complaining about the difficulty of being a parent, even though I complain a lot more than he does.

*He rarely gets frustrated with Juliana, even though she can be quite frustrating at times (say, wide awake at 2:30am).

*He has taken at least 242353425345 pictures of Juliana over the past nine months. No doubt that she is well documented. I'm glad that we have captured so many of her funny actions and adorable expressions.

*He is a great example for our students. Most of them are very surprised that Kevin is so involved in taking care of Juliana. They are used to men who have no idea what to do with a baby, and many of them have very distant relationships with their fathers. I think it's awesome that they can see how much Kevin loves Juliana (especially “even though” she is a girl).

Thank you for all your work and help Kevin.  I'm so glad that Juliana gets to have a father like you!

What's Wrong with this Picture?

This evening we saw a shocking sight:  A mother outside with her one month old baby.  The baby was not wrapped in a blanket.  The mother was alone.  And it was evening.  My first thought was, "That woman is going to get some serious scolding!!"  It was such an unusual sight it felt like a "What's wrong with this picture" scenario.

1. Babies are not allowed to go outside until they are three months old.  Mothers are not even supposed to go outside (or really even get out of bed - or, if you're really following tradition - even shower!) for the first month after giving birth.  Maybe this mama's month was just up and she making a quick escape.  Goodness knows I don't blame her.  But anyone knows that if you take a baby less than three months old outside (except to go baby-swimming) they will surely die.

2.  The baby was NOT wearing enough layers.  One small, sleeper outfit with only minimal padding.  A towel hanging underneath but not even wrapped around.  Not only could I see the baby's head - I could see the BODY.  That is just wrong.  Sure it's June (though surprisingly cool today).  But that woman better get some more clothes on that baby or it will surely die.

(Incidentally, the woman reprimanded ME for not having socks on Juliana!  What??  Go cover your own baby in blankets and then you can talk.)

3. A mother alone with her baby?  This woman needs some relatives around.  Ideally a doting/scolding grandmother or two.  At least, a clueless but helpful husband.  You might see a grandmother alone with a baby, but not a mother.  Everyone knows mothers don't know what they are doing.

4.  This less than three month old baby who was not wearing enough clothes was outside in the evening.  The sun had already started to set.  Babies can't be out in the evening!  They will surely die.

This poor baby.  It doesn't stand a chance.  And the poor mother.  I pity the scolding she will get when the grannies discover her negligence.  She looked so nice.  And the baby looked so cute and little (and seemed to have no intention of keeling over anytime soon).  It's back to banishment for you guys!  See you in a few months.

Good China Day

Today was a good China day. This morning I taught one of Kevin's classes. I haven't been teaching this year because I have been staying at home taking care of Juliana. I am glad to be able to be with her, but I do miss teaching. These were students I had taught last year and they were excited to see me; they clapped when I walked in. Nothing like a warm welcome!

This morning I heard from a graduated student I spent a lot of time with over the past few years. She has been in south China all term and I didn't expect to see her again before we left. She sent a message that she is supposed to return just a few days before we head to America, so hopefully we will be able to see her again once more!

In the afternoon, our student Alice came over to see us – the baby. She has been tremendously helpful to us lately. Many students are willing, even eager to help us, but Alice is also particularly competent at helping us, both because she is a native of Weinan, thereby possessing much valuable local information and contacts, and because she is confident and responsible. She enjoyed hanging out and being entertained by Juliana, who is always willing to step up put on a show. Today, she entertained us all by accomplishing her first substantial movement all the way across the living room floor – scooting backwards! I imagine soon she will be crawling, but for the moment she hasn't quite figured out how to propel herself forward. She finds this quite frustrating when lunging for a toy in front of her only to find herself inching further and further away.

Alice was touched when I passed on my giant stuffed giraffe to her. Though I am a big fan of her (the giraffe), I decided she is a bit bulky to ship seeing as she would need her own large suitcase. Alice was happy to take her into a good home, however. She told me it was almost her birthday (which I didn't know) and this would be a nice first birthday present. The only thing is I forgot to tell her the giraffe's name is Gloria.

Apparently it was good timing for the passing off of the giant giraffe because I discovered that Juliana has developed a fear of her. Juliana looked at her (the giraffe) with large, frightened eyes and started crying. I don't know why, since every fourth toy is a giraffe of some form. Perhaps it's the fact that this giraffe is approximately 6x the size of the baby.

Alice has been helping us figure out how to ship our belongings to Yinchuan, and today she brought the good news that we will be able to ship our things by railway straight from Weinan to Yinchuan – all of it for less than $150. Additionally, we found out we finally officially have an apartment waiting in Yinchuan. It certainly will not be as nice as this luxury apartment we have been living in (no heated floors, but there is heat), but it's hard to argue with $115/month. It is also on the campus of the school where we will be studying for convenient access to classes.

The other goodness of the day is harder to describe. It is something in the (relatively) clear air, all the recent blue skies (with real clouds even, white clouds!), the trees that have really filled out this year, and the birds that have filled those trees. Walking outside, seeing the green of the trees, hearing the little birds chirp as they hop on the sidewalk, feeling the warm sunshine, seeing the familiar grannies...all of it gave me a feeling of familiarity. If I didn't know better, I would say it was a feeling of belonging.

Perhaps I am just feeling sentimental since we are getting ready to leave Weinan, but recently I have been having these pleasant feelings that I have before only ever associated with home. It's like...China is becoming beautiful. Beautiful in a way that only the familiar can be. And I almost didn't feel sad about leaving Weinan because I think that perhaps I will find the same feeling elsewhere too.

So if you don't count the hour trying to get Juliana to take a nap or the two hours trying to get her to fall asleep, plus the subsequent pulling out of my hair, all in all it was a pretty good China day.

Moving On

I can hardly believe we only have one month left in Weinan! I am excited about going back to America this summer (though not eager for the baby + 13hr flight and baby + jetlag). But I am reluctant to leave Weinan for several reasons.

First of all, it has become our home over the past three years. It's been a while since I've lived in the same place for three years without once having to move, and I rather like it. I like staying in the same place. I like familiarity. I like walking past the same buildings and trees and unlocking the same door day after day. I probably like it all the more since I realize it won't last. Even if I don't really know most of our neighbors, I recognize them and we greet each other on the elevator. I recognize the little old grannies who sit outside and know which ones will scowl and scold and which ones will smile (while scolding).

I can run out to the little vegetable shop across the street and be back in ten minutes. I know where to find everything I need at the supermarket. We have our favorite restaurants and know which dishes are best at each place. The waitresses know us well enough to not get all flustered by our foreignness, and they know which dishes we are likely to order. We know which little crooked, washed-out path leads up to the old railroad tracks that give easy access to the countryside.

We have been here long enough to watch an entire apartment complex be built and settled, several other apartment complexes rise from the ground, new roads built, several fields plowed down and turned into a driving school, the parking spots outside our apartment fill up with cars...and granted these things can happen virtually overnight in China, but we really have seen the city change over the past three years.

And besides all that, we have students who know us and like us. They come to visit. They help us with whenever we need. They are terribly sad to see us go, and we will miss them as well.

Those are the sentimental reasons I am sad to go. I am also sad because moving means packing - lots of packing. Every time I move I wonder, “Where did all this stuff come from?” I came to China with two suitcases. Two suitcases! And now...well, we already have 12 boxes filled and there is still a lot left to pack. While I feel good that we have finally gotten some packing done, it is still overwhelming. And we don't even have to move furniture!

One tiny issue which makes packing difficult is that Juliana is afraid of packing tape. Or more specifically, she is disturbed by the sound of the tape. She cries whenever she hears it. Unfortunately, there is a lot of packing tape in our future.

We are also still working on how we will get our things from here to our new home in Yinchuan. I'd like to just load everything into a U-Haul, but it's not quite that simple. We are planning to ship things via railway, we just have to figure out little details like how to get it to the railway station and how to get it delivered on the other end. Fortunately our helpful student, the same one whose uncle gave us a bunch of boxes, is helping us find out how it will work.

Still, I am trying to look on the positive side of things. Every thing that we ship means one less thing we will need to buy in Yinchuan. And the cost of shipping is low enough it is more cost-effective to keep what we have. Also, packing and moving is a good opportunity to purge, and I do appreciate a good purge. I can't imagine how much stuff would accumulate if we lived somewhere for say four or five years!

Fortunately,(and not so fortunately) that will probably never happen.

"The World is My Best Friend"

My new favorite picture of the beautiful baby!

You wouldn't know it from the picture, but Juliana has entered into separation anxiety phase with a vengeance - just in the past week or two it has hit full force.  If I even look like I am thinking about starting to leave the room, she starts crying.  Sometimes she can be distracted by someone else; other times she persistently continues to scream until I come back to rescue her.  Sometimes she is not even content to see me; she also has to be touching me or sitting in my lap or gnawing on my arm before she is content.  It's sweet that she likes me so much, but my goodness!

Fortunately, stranger anxiety has still been held at bay.  In fact, she seems to have the complete opposite of stranger anxiety.  This weekend we were at a bunch of tourist places in Xian, constantly surrounded by crowds, and for the most part, she loved it.  She was probably touched about 23322303254354 times in the past few days.  Maybe that's an exaggeration, but at any rate, she was definitely touched by hundreds of people.  She made it into innumerable vacation photo albums.

She was also given all kinds of free stuff: a tomato, a plastic castanet, an souvenir key chain, a McDonald's mini ice-cream cone.  The only thing she actually got to benefit from was the castanet, which she thinks is pretty fun.  Anything that makes a banging noise is a big hit.

Juliana is really quite a good traveler.  It was hot and she was tired and probably a little dehydrated and she was getting tired of being in the carrier, but at the end of the day she still flirted with the crowds on the bus.  She is such a ham.

In fact, sometimes she does better with all the attention than I do.  I feel like most of the time I am pretty laidback, recognizing there is no way I can keep a bazillion people from touching her hands unless I cloister her at home.  I know that most people around have never seen a foreign baby before and are completely awestruck by the sight.  And she is pretty darn cute, so I can't blame them for staring.  I don't mind people touching her hands, taking her picture, and stopping to admire her, especially since she doesn't seem to mind it. 

But after a while the crowds were starting to get to me.  There were those few incredibly pushy people...the ones who try to wrench your baby out of your arms because they really want to hold her.  One lady kept trying to shove me out of the way and forcibly turn Juliana's head so she could get a good picture.  Not okay.  I was pretty mad, but even at that point, Juliana didn't get upset.  She definitely lives in the right country.

What about Death?

by Ruth

Last month we learned that one of our former students died.  His English name was "Today," and he was a junior student this year.  I taught his class last spring, and though I didn't know him well, he was a very friendly boy, actually involved in class, and a good student.  I could tell he was well liked by all his classmates.

He couldn't have been more than twenty or twenty-two and he died of liver cancer, the same cancer that had killed his mother and grandmother in the past few years.  Apparently Today knew he was dying and chose to stay at school because he wanted to be around his friends and classmates.  We didn't know of his disease until after his death, and I can't help but wonder: last year as he sat in my class, smiling and talking, did he already know of his illness?

His classmates and friends struggle to make sense of the loss of this young life.  No one wants to think about death; no one wants to believe it could happen to someone their own age.  One of his friends told us their teachers didn't know how to handle his death.  They told the students that what they should learn from this is to be good students and work hard.  Somehow I doubt that did much to answer the questions or fill the void left by his loss.

This is not the first encounter we have seen of death among our students.   Earlier this year, one of our freshmen students died suddenly from a heart condition after collapsing during PE class.  Two years ago, a student jumped from the teaching building.  Several years before when I was in Yangzhou, we also had a student suicide.  It seems that so many students have already lost a parent or a friend.  Just last week, a student apologized for missing Kevin's class; her father had died.  Despite their best effort to forget it, they know that death is real.

In Yangzhou, I was surprised by students' response to the suicide.    While there was never any official acknowledgment of the suicide, I knew the students were all affected by it. With typical western directness, I talked about it with them in class.  Many of them said, "It was irresponsible," which would not have been my first thought after a suicide.  When asked why a person might do that, most said they it was probably because of pressure.  Several students came over to visit saying they just wanted to be with me because they were troubled by being alone.

Following the suicide here, many students were afraid.  They told us they couldn't sleep; they kept picturing the body they had seen, covered by a bloody sheet.  They stayed up rehashing the details with their roommates but with no resolution.

Suicide is certainly even more troubling in its own way, but any kind of death causes us to slow down and think about life and death and what happens afterward, whether we want to or not.  And yet, how do we deal with death?  Particularly the death of someone so young, taken by disease, accident, or their own desperation.  Mostly it seems that people try to ignore and move on.  Leaders don't want to lose face or incur blame.  Teachers are at a loss for words.  Students continue to smile and talk and go about their daily lives, except at night when they are too troubled to sleep.

Death is a particularly relevant topic this time of year.  Earlier this month the Chinese celebrated (maybe celebrated isn't the right word...) Qing Ming or "Tomb Sweeping" festival, a holiday to honor the ancestors and care for their graves.  It goes a lot deeper than just sweeping off a grave, however; people burn paper money, houses, cars, clothes...all kinds of things their ancestors might need in the afterlife.  By taking care of their ancestors, they are hoping their ancestors will in turn "take care of them," or at least not come back to make their lives miserable.

This was also the month of Easter, the Christian holiday celebrating the triumph of life over death.  I know what Easter means to me.  New Life. Hope. Love. Victory over death.  To most students, it means nothing.  A few might think of bunnies, candy, or dancing (I know dancing has nothing to do with Easter but for some reason students are convinced that every western holiday involves dancing).  How do I show them hope?  How do I help them find meaning in life and death?

I am not the only one thinking about the problem of death.  Along a rather different vein, China Daily (the English version of China's official newspaper) has dedicated a portion of their website to "Education on Death."  The editor's note at the beginning reads:

To be or not to be, that is the question.

More than a question, death is a taboo subject in Chinese culture and education.

The curriculum provides rare discourse about death, which everyone definitely will face, the moment to say the final goodbye to their beloved and the world. It was in 2008, after the deadly Wenchuan earthquake killed tens of thousands of Chinese, that some universities piloted programs to help students develop a rational understanding of death.

Previous media reports found that Chinese parents strongly objected to any attempt to talk about death in the classroom. But, can we really avoid it? Isn't it a core part of life?

This special coverage "Education on Death" aims to present arguments for China to promote death education and ways in an environment traditionally hostile to the topic.

And now, today, talk of death is suddenly all around us because of Bin Laden [whose death I became aware of through a dozen Facebook statuses (stati?).  That's where I see most of my news nowadays, which is admittedly pathetic on my part.]  Should we rejoice because an evil man is gone?  Should we be saddened because after all he was a person?  Perhaps both?  I know it should be significant to me, but to be honest, it feels so far away.  I just keep thinking about all those who die so quietly...no news, no fanfare, hardly even a ripple...just family and friends left behind wondering what to do now.