The Hard Parts

by Ruth

About a month ago I sat in an internet cafe in Thailand talking to my mom, finding out my grandfather had just died. I sat there at the computer crying, getting some weird looks from the loud European guys sitting nearby.

Just a few weeks later, using the internet in a hotel lobby in Frankfurt, Kevin learned that his grandmother had passed away. And then we had to hurry off to the airport to catch a flight.

Sitting in the internet cafe in Thailand, I thought back to three years ago, when I was in that same internet cafe trying to get a-hold of friends and family to tell them I just got engaged (to someone they had yet to meet).

“Hi, I wanted to tell you I'm engaged!! What? I said ENGAGED... Wait, the connection must be bad, let me call back...”
“Hi, I keep trying to call but am just getting voice mail. I have something really important to tell you so...I'll try back later...”

When you live on the other side of the world, when you are traveling almost a fourth of the year, these things don't always work out how you would want them to. You want your family to meet the man you are going to marry. You want to hear and tell important news in person. You want to be at your friends' weddings and meet their babies, or at least their spouses! You want to be there when someone in your family dies.

It's strange how I will come back to that internet cafe every year and it will hold memories of important times in my life. An internet cafe. Sitting there I thought, “This is my life. This is just how things happen.” It sounds depressing, but it actually wasn't a bitter or cynical thought. I guess it was more one of acceptance. I realized...it's okay. There are a lot of great things about our life, and this is one of the parts that is hard. It's one of the parts that will always be hard. I talk to people who have lived here for 10 or 20 years, and they still hate missing those important things happening back home.

Sometimes there is hardly even time for these things to seem real. You are so far away and everything is happening back at home. The rest of the family is gathered, the funeral happens, and you just feel so distanced from it all. You still expect things to be the same when you come back.

This is one of the hard parts of our life. And yet...and yet, it's okay.

Rome

Vatican - Statue & Shadows
Originally uploaded by kevsunblush

By Kevin

Just starting to filter through the 1200 or so photos I took during our trip to Europe (and Egypt). I'll try and post them in groups by country. So far, I've got Rome. Click on the photo or follow the link to see more: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevsunblush/

Eventually, I'll try and post a blog entry or two about the trip, but since classes start Monday (or so we're told...we don't actually have a schedule just yet), I'm not sure exactly when that'll happen.

An extremely brief summary of our time Rome: we managed to be wowed by thoughts of Gladiators fighting in the Colosseum, imagined Paul being imprisoned near the Roman Forum, pictured Casears living on Palantine Hill, were a bit freaked out by people bowing before the Pope at St. Peter's Basilica, marveled at the massive collection of both ancient and modern art at the Vatican Museum and the Borgese Gallery, breathed deeply under mostly beautiful blue skies, gawked at beautiful fountains and piazzas, ate excellent lasagna, spaghetti, tortellini and pizza and rode subway cars that were completely covered in graffiti.

Traveling

(Kevin and I outside of a big Gothic cathedral in Prague)

We're finally back in Weinan! We have been gone for years. Or 6 weeks anyway, but it feels like years. It was great to get to see so many places...the Colosseum, the Vatican, the Pantheon, the pyramids, Europe in general. Whether I actually get around to telling you about it is questionable, because what do you say, really? “Prague was beautiful. The pyramids were big. Such and such was interesting.” That's pretty boring. At some point we will put some pictures up online, but since Kevin took 1200+ pictures, it might take a while to go through them. In the meantime, I will try to fill up this recent blogging void a few random thoughts I had while traveling. The first, naturally, was related to traveling itself.

Sitting next to Kevin on our last flight back to China, I thought back to the first flight we took together. We already knew each other then, but I feel like our relationship was more or less founded out of those 12 hours together. It seems like a very appropriate start to our relationship, since we have since spent so much time in airports and on planes and traveling in general.

I started to wonder how many flights we have been on together and counting up in my head. There were so many that I kept getting confused and had to start tally marks on a piece of paper. Then I started wondering how many flights I've taken overall, and the proportion of pre-China to post-China travel. (It was the middle of a long international flight and I couldn't sleep and I had already watched several dumb movies, so what else did I have to do?) I'm pretty sure I've forgotten a few, but here are the results of my calculations.

1983-2005 flights (pre-China): 18 (half of these were from going to Laos)

2005-2010 flights on my own: 21

2005-2010 flights with Kevin: 43

Total lifetime flights:81

Total flights in the last 5 years: 64

That's a lot of flights. I can only imagine how much time we've spent in airports! Of those 63, about 19 were significant international flights (meaning somewhere between 5-14 hours). 78% of my flying has been done in the last 19% of my life. Hmm, which means I have spent 19% of my life in China (or traveling to and from it). Wow, I'm young.

So anyway, I thought that it was all kind of interesting and sad. Sad because unfortunately, I still hate traveling...

The Promise Land (Otherwise known as Thailand)

We spent all of yesterday, from 5am to 9pm, gradually migrating from China to Thailand, shedding layers as we went. Every year I start thinking about Thailand and build it up in my mind for weeks or months. And the amazing thing is that when I get there, it's just as good as I expect! I think the sharp contrast helps. One day you are wearing long underwear and a down coat, the next day it's flip-flops.

The weather is perfect - not too hot, a cool breeze in the evenings, sunshine. It takes days to experience all the wonderful food options available. Thai, Italian, Mexican, Mediterranean, burgers, great milkshakes and fruit smoothies, donuts, ice cream, soft pretzels. This wouldn't seem nearly as exciting if we hadn't seen these things for months. There are multiple bookstores full of English books. And everything is so inexpensive. We are staying in a place for $6/night, and it's not bad at all. You can eat Thai food for $1. Western food is more expensive, but still more reasonable than China or America.

And people are so friendly whether they know you or not. They just smile at you and don't stare at all, like it's perfectly natural for you to exist. It's really wonderful. And especially great to be here NOT taking classes. Well, if you are sufficiently jealous by now, I have done my job. Off to get a cheap massage.

For Yay!

by Ruth
(The picture is me as a child. When we finished our dinner, an apparently monumental event, we would put our hands in the air and yell “for yay!”)

I can't believe we finished with finals close to two weeks ago. Initially, I was a little afraid of getting bored during the three weeks before we left for Thailand, so I made a long list of things I wanted to accomplish. So far I have marked off, let's see, one thing? How is that possible? I believe there are two problems involved. 1) A couple of the items I have been working on are multiple day endeavors. I am a to-do list kind of person. I should know better than to put them all under one item, with nothing to check off. 2) I keep remembering things not on the list. And yes, I would write them down to check off, but I'm running out of room on my paper. Looking back, I realize I should always laugh at myself whenever I think I will actually get bored.

One of the items on my to-do list is planning our trip, because after Thailand, we're going to Europe!! After two weeks in sunny Thailand, wearing sandals, eating yummy food from around the world, browsing through bookstores and (oh yeah) going to our conference, we are heading off to Europe.

First, we will spend a couple of days in Rome, then head up to Prague to visit my friend Jessie, who is teaching there. If you have a friend in Europe, it's really a travesty NOT to take the opportunity to go visit them, don't you think? That's what started us thinking about this whole trip. Added to that is the fact that we have an extra long holiday this year (because the last lunar year had an extra month, so the Spring Festival is later than normal. Therefore, we don't start back to school until March 6th!).

After spending a few days in Prague, we are going on a Mediterranean cruise! How many people want to have our lives right now, huh? Kevin found some surprisingly good deals on cruises (he's good at finding that kind of stuff online). We will leave from Barcelona, go back to Rome for one day, then on to Athens, Ephesus, Alexandria, and Malta. I think it's absolutely great that we'll get to see all those places without consciously traveling. I don't even have to figure out where we are going to stay and what we are going to eat and how to get around. It will be my first time on a cruise, as well as the first time for both of us to go to Europe. I think we're going to love it. For yay for us!

A Head-Banging Good Time

by Ruth

Kevin came home from an afternoon of giving finals and started banging his head against the door. I could understand the feeling: hours of sitting there trying to concentrate as 70 students parade past can be pretty tiring. It's so mind-numbing that the a good head-banging doesn't seem like it will do much more damage than has already occurred.

We debated over whether listening to oral English or phonetics finals were worse. In oral finals it's easy to drift off and not realize you aren't paying attention until their dialogue is over suddenly. It doesn't make for the most objective grading. And I know I am subconsciously affected by if I've hung out with the students, if they smile at me when they are talking, or if they look cute. It's really terrible.

Oral finals have the advantage of a little more variety, however. Sometimes students will even say something interesting in response to a question. For example, in my last class, the two students who I happened to ask, “Would you ever date someone you met on the internet?” both said, “Well actually...” and told me their not so good experiences. Another student told me about lighting her hair on fire as a child (she liked to play with candles). Multiple students, when asked something interesting they learned about Georgia from our “Southern Day,” said that Georgia is a beautiful city. Many students said they liked wearing “carol” clothes. It took me a little bit to figure out they were trying to say “casual” clothes, but of course I should have known they can't pronounce that middle sound. After all, I have been listening to dozens of phonetics students mispronounce it over and over again.

In phonetics finals there is no variation. Just student after student pronouncing and mispronouncing the same words over and over. The only difference is that some students fly through the words so fast you can't understand any of it, while others have a 10 second pause between each one, “baaaay..................buuuy......................boooy.” It's enough to make you want to, well, bang your head against the door. And in my first class, one girl had loud, annoying hiccups for an hour!! I really thought I was going to go crazy.

In Kevin's class the students kept asking to leave early, then somehow got locked into the room. So they started banging on the door and yelling to students outside. Finally Kevin had to stop his exams to call the office to let them out. Not the first locked in the classroom experience, I might add.

Anyway, I don't know why I keep going on about something so painfully boring. I guess I subconsciously want you to suffer too. But now – we are finished! New Years Eve we finished giving our last finals and were so tired we went to bed before midnight. Midnight is not so special anymore, now that we see it almost every night anyway. And without the ball dropping, the new year seems awfully unofficial.

2010 is the year of the tiger. We learned it is also an unlucky year to get married (although actually just the lunar year, which doesn't start until February 14^th). Something about you becoming a widow. Maybe it has to do with the 1 and 0, since 2011 will be a very lucky year to get married (because of the 1 and 1 being like two people coming together, of course). I am always amazed at how many superstitions there are related to numbers. Dates, ages, your phone number – I am always learning about new things.

People might not always follow the superstitions (surely there are some people who will get married this year), but they know about all of them. Even though they would never call themselves superstitious, they are still going to be sure to pick an auspicious day for their wedding and make sure their mobile number doesn't have any 4's (sounds like the Chinese word for death) or 7's (also related to death). People pay extra to have 8's in their phone number, because 8 is very lucky. That's why the Olympics started on 8/8/08 at 8:08pm. I got a discount on my phone number because it has three 7's and a 14 – which means guaranteed death! I guess I'm pretty much doomed. And apparently my punishment was listening to those final exams. I did kind of feel myself dying inside, so maybe that counts.

Merry Chinese Christmas

Merry Christmas
Originally uploaded by kevsunblush

Chalkboard Santa for student Christmas Eve celebration...

Merry Chinese Christmas

Merry Christmas
Originally uploaded by kevsunblush

Chalkboard Santa for student Christmas Eve celebration...

Silent night, noisy night

Chinese Christmas lanterns
Originally uploaded by kevsunblush

by Kevin
Merry Chinese Christmas.

I had a few things to add to the craziness of the last week in China.

Christmas parties. In China, college students are crazy about Christmas parties. Usually this means everyone from the department crams into an auditorium and different groups, who all auditioned for a chance to perform, come on-stage to the delight of their classmates. Every performance is interrupted -- or at least augmented -- by friends rushing on-stage to give the performers flowers. However, this year, apparently because some of the students who got sick with H1N1 were from the foreign language department, they were only allowed to hold small "class" Christmas parties with their 40-some classmates.

Naturally, they wanted the foreign teachers to come. Two weeks ago, I even had students ask me which day I was most free during the week before Christmas, so they could find a time when I could come (the earliest invitation I've EVER received in China). "Tuesday," I told them after some thought. "Ok," they said. "And can you prepare a performance?" It just isn't a party without performances.

The next week, they walked into class and handed me an orange-colored invitation that looked like it belonged more to Thanksgiving or Halloween than Christmas. "Please come," they pleaded. I told them I'd try to make time, figuring Tuesday wouldn't be too bad. When I got a chance to look closer at the invitation, I realized the time shifted to Christmas Eve, for which we were already making plans.

Fast forward to the morning of Christmas Eve. I gave vague non-committal responses, because I was still holding out hope that we might be able to go to a church service in town, but nobody seemed to know when it would start (or if there was a service at all).

When I finally walked into their classroom at 9 p.m. (the party began at 7:30) the students went crazy. The...loudest...applause...I've ever received for anything. Not quite Beatles-like fainting, but seriously, it was like Jay Chou or their favorite Chinese boy band had walked into the room. They went nuts for a full minute. It was surreal. Then everything stopped. They pulled up a chair in the middle of the stage they'd set up in the front of the classroom. "Will you sing a song?"

Thankfully, I came prepared with my trusty acoustic guitar and a sheet of Christmas songs I knew how to play, so I implored them to join me in "Silent Night."

Half the students pulled out their cameras and began snapping photos or shooting video. The ultimate bragging rights -- an Actual American to celebrate Christmas with.

By the end of the song, they begged for more. I went for "Angels We Have Heard on High." More? No night would be complete without "Jingle Bells"

Afterwards, several students came forward, shoving a handful of candies into my free hand, then jamming apples into my pockets because my hands were full, then they rushed me to a seat of honor while students continued with their performances.

I scanned the room, noticing the fine arrangement of pink and purple balloons selected for the occasion. The same colors seemed to adorn other rooms. Nobody seemed to think green and red and white were missing. All the desks were pushed to the sides so students could perform in the middle. Every desk was covered with a pile of sunflower seeds, banana peels, candy wrappers and all sorts of other junk food. And in the front of the room, there was a small "Christmas tree" topped with a tiny Santa ornament. Students proudly explained that they made the tree themselves from several sticks, some tinsel and colored paper. On the chalkboard, students had drawn an elaborate Santa Claus.

The first few performances pretty much summed up a typical Chinese Christmas party: two of the three boys in the class sang "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys, accompanied by the tiny speaker in their cell phone. Then, an assortment of girls did catwalk modeling performances to some sort of European music (French?). Finally, several girls acted out a scene from the Monkey King. No Chinese party is complete without an interpretation of the Monkey King -- one of the big reasons I finally read (a 600-page abridged version) of the 2,000-plus page classic.

Since I was out and had no idea how late the party would continue, I decided to see if another class that had mentioned having a party was still there. I walked in on the wrong class. These were students from another class, who I've never taught, but they eagerly welcomed me with almost as much enthusiasm as my own students.

"We are about to play a game," said a boy holding a microphone. "Can you perform a song for us after the game?"

I nodded my approval and they began stepping on balloons tied around their feet in the giant space in the middle of the classroom. After a few minutes, one student remained whose balloon hadn't been popped. A winner!

I worked my way through the same Christmas setlist, then bid them farewell.

On my way back to the apartment, I began to notice several flickering lights floating in the air. As I walked closer, I realized that several students were lighting candles in the square, filling up red balloon-lanterns with hot air, like I'd seen before in Thailand. It amazes me that even in our fourth year in China, we still see new things. I'd never seen this in China before.

As I watched a few float into the air, I took a deep breath and gazed up in wonder at the beauty of this quiet moment, juxtaposed with the laughter and noise of the classroom celebration. Many things are strange to me about how the Chinese celebrate Christmas. For many students, since it's a completely Western concept in their minds, it's just an excuse to make up their own rules and have a party with their classmates. Other students said they went out to sing karoake or to have a big dinner with classmates. Those things are fine and all, but I'd take this simple Chinese interpretation of Christmas over the other ones any day. As the lanterns rose into the cold evening sky, my mind went back to the Word who became Flesh. Even if he was the last thing on these students minds, I reflected on the meaning of the season, how the one who we are celebrating came to this earth to be a light in the darkness. Exhausted from the week's busyness, I smiled and said a prayer of thanks.

More to come... in the meantime, Merry Christmas

Merry China Christmas!

by Ruth

There are a lot of things I miss about being in America for Christmas. All the classic (and sometimes tacky) Christmas decorations that have been around for years and years. There are some ornaments that are so ugly they are hidden on the back of the Christmas tree (a plastic Santa who is missing his arms, paper decorations we made when we were five). They are all an important part of Christmas. I love seeing all the lights on houses, our stockings my mom made, the cardboard Christmas door hangers, the perpetual smell of Christmas cookies.

But I also have to admit there are some fun things about being in China for Christmas, too. For one thing, students get soo excited about it. Yesterday afternoon we sang carols with students in front of the classroom building. There were probably a couple hundred students (it helped we had just finished class and told all our students to come. :) It may not have been the best thing you've ever heard, but the students sang with gusto, even if they were on the wrong notes and three different rhythms. Last night we had our Christmas culture lecture, which was sparsely attended because of all the other Christmas parties going on. The best part was when we sang Silent Night at the end. We turned out all the lights and had the students hold up their cell phones in lieu of candles. Not bad, and very Chinese.

After the lecture, Kelly, Christina, and I went to the girls' dorm to sing Christmas songs. We put on Santa hats, carried a stocking full of candy, and went around knocking on doors. As we were singing, the noise carried down the hallway and doors popped open. Curious students piled out into the hallway. At one point we were mobbed by about 50 students, freshmen of ours who all live close together. They crowded in to make sure we noticed them, grab some candy, and give cards and presents. Our foreignness gives us semi-celebrity status in normal life, but dress us up in Santa hats with bags of candy and it's just about all you could ask for. Students all wanted us to come and see their dormitory rooms. One student insisted we follow her down to her room. When we got there, the other roommates were standing in the darkened room holding candles and looking extraordinarily pleased with themselves. It was quite a nice effect, and we sang Silent Night together.

In the past few days, we have been inundated with cards and gifts. I will share my favorite card with you:

Dear Ruth:

Thank you for all you have done for us. You are the most responsible teacher I've ever met. Thank you for your well-prepared classes. You are always so patient and kind-hearted to us. It is a great honor to be one of your students. I'm a little shy and not very good at oral English, so I send you a card to thank you and wish you Merry Christmas!

Sincerely yours, Student

Apparently she is shy! She didn't even tell me who she is. We always get some interesting gifts at Christmas. This year it has been lots of apples. Apples are popular in China at Christmas because the word for apple (ping guo) sounds like the word for peace (ping an). My favorite are the apples Kevin's students gave us. They wrote special notes in pen on the outsides. The bigger apple says, “This is for Ruth – bigger than Kevin :)” The other apple says, “This is for Kevin – because Kevin love Ruth :)” Ah, students are funny. But the most touching apples we received were from the copy guy and his wife, who we brought cookies to. They ran after Kevin last night when he made copies to give us apples in wrapped shiny paper. I definitely wasn't expecting anything from them and it makes me feel kind of warm and special. I guess we probably do our fair share to keep them in business.

Tomorrow we plan to celebrate with a late brunch and opening of presents. In the afternoon we will visit a deaf school in town to do some Christmas activities – games, card making, flannel-graph Christmas story... Christina has been there before, but it will be the first time for the rest of us, and we are bringing some students along. So it should be interesting. For now I'm just glad it is Christmas Eve and I actually don't have anything going on tonight! Now I will finally have time to wrap presents, fill stockings, and clean up for tomorrow.

Merry Christmas everyone!