Pregnant Woman Learns a Lesson

Yesterday was a busy day.  It was Juliana's third birthday, which was filled with balloons, Minnie Mouse cake, cards and packages in the mail, birthday pizza, party hats, and presents - all of which were greeted with immense excitement.  In China it was Mid-Autumn Festival, one of the major holidays of the year.  Almost as important in certain sectors of society, it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day.  And not so widely noted but certainly memorable to me - it was my due date.

I know, I know.  A due date truly has about as much meaning as an imaginary line on the horizon, and only about 5% of babies are born on their due date.  I wasn't expecting the baby to come on her due date; I was sure she would already be born.  Juliana was born four days early, so it seemed reasonable to believe this baby would come early too.  That's pretty much what I've been thinking the whole pregnancy, and most of the past month I really felt like she could come any day.  I don't know how many times I've thought, "She will SURELY come before ___!" (see lesson #3 below.)  It's been a long month.

And now I have passed over the imaginary invisible line into the land of "overdue."  I know, I know. A baby isn't truly overdue until a couple of weeks past the due date, and it's just as normal for a baby to be born a week "late" as a week "early."  But somehow it's hard to convince yourself of that, particularly in our induction-happy culture.

The uncertainty of these last few weeks have been especially difficult to handle.  I've had frequent, increasingly intense contractions for weeks (see lesson #4 below) and a couple of times when it seemed like labor was really starting.   Then there are all the normal annoyances and discomforts of being 9 months pregnant, summed up in the general feeling that your body is slowly self-destructing.

I could handle all those better if I could just sleep.  I usually wake up about a dozen times a night.  Not that I actually count, but I really don't think I'm exaggerating.  I doubt I ever sleep longer than an hour, sometimes much less.  If I don't wake up as many times it's usually because the fifth or sixth time I just stayed awake for hours.  In other words, I sleep like a baby.  So the idea of resting up before the baby comes sounds nice, but it's just not going to happen (see lesson #5 below).  I do remember the exhausting newborn (and not-so-newborn) days, and I know what I'm in for, but the possibility of 2hrs sleep in a row sounds kind of nice right now.

I may have mentioned once or forty times that I haven't had the most fun with this pregnancy.   Perhaps that's why I thought it would end early - it only seemed fair.  Besides, first babies are supposed to be late, not second babies, right?  And we all know that pregnancy and life operate on strict principles of fairness (see lesson #1 below).

I was reminded the other day that 40 is one of those significant numbers in the Bible.  40 days of rain on the ark.  40 years wandering in the wilderness.  40 days being tested in the desert.  All periods of trial and tribulation.  Some people apparently thrive on those 40 weeks of pregnancy, but trial and tribulation seems a more fitting description for me.  Everybody knows you're supposed to learn something from all that trial ("what doesn't kill you" and all...), and apparently I need some extra time to learn my lesson.

Here are a few of the lessons I have learned recently.
1. Your mom was right.  Life isn't fair.
2. The powers of my wishful thinking are shockingly ineffective.
3. Never make assumptions about anything because life rejoices in proving you wrong.
4. Whoever said Braxton-Hicks contractions are painless was either a man or a woman going through transition in labor.
5. Helpful advice like, "Enjoy this time of pregnancy!" and "Get rest while you can!" are about as helpful as racial slurs or bashing on a person with disabilities  and may get you a similar response.
6. Oh yeah, I'm not in control.
7. It's possible that I don't know everything like the best time for this baby to come.
8. I can either drive myself crazy with angst and impatience or let go and let it happen when it happens.
9. Apparently no one has been pregnant forever.

So I'm waiting and trying to breathe and be patient.  (No honestly, this is me trying.)  This baby will come sometime like tomorrow or next week and defintely not any later than 2 weeks (when they would induce).  (Which, by the way, would be October and completely unacceptable.)  This eternal pregnancy will actually end and I'll finally get to meet that baby I've been waiting for.  It's going to be great.

Full Term

Tomorrow I will be full term, 37 weeks pregnant.  Finally, the end is in sight.  My body is gearing up and progressing well (4cm).  I'm glad to know all the contractions I've been having day and night, which have become increasingly more uncomfortable the past few weeks, have actually been doing something!  Unfortunately I know from last time that the progress doesn't necessarily mean much for either early delivery or fast labor.  37 weeks may only be the beginning of full term, but I'd still like to think I don't actually have three more weeks! And surely it couldn't be more.

Actually the end has been a little more tolerable this second time, I think because the whole rest of the pregnancy was more miserable.  But I wouldn't be at all sad if baby was a bit (weeks) early.  I may have mentioned before that I don't exactly love being pregnant.  Unfortunately, general intolerance with being pregnant doesn't seem to make baby in more of a hurry to come.  Just ask my cousin who has been miserably sick for the past 39 weeks.  I'm just super glad to not still be nauseous and throwing up all the time!  I'll take an awful lot of back aches, sleeplessness, heartburn, contractions, fatigue, and general aches and pains over being sick.  Still, there are times in life when three weeks seems like a very long time.

My cool belly henna

I have had a couple of wildly productive weeks in which I accomplished all five of the items I mentioned in my last post: got henna, borrowed baby items, bought cloth diapers, wrote newsletter, and ate more guacamole.  I even did a few other things as well, like made cloth wipes, packed a hospital bag, bought a big sister present for Juliana,  painted a big sister shirt and little sister onesie, and hung out with my very pregnant friend and very pregnant cousin, speculating how much longer pregnancy would really last.

In preparation for labor, I have been re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and contemplating how cool it would be to meet Ina May (a legendary midwife).  I also created a birth plan, which wasn't too hard since it was very similar to my last one.  The term "birth plan" still seems a little off, since the years in China have left me skeptical of plans in general - how often do things actually go like we expect?  I appreciate the idea though - an opportunity to contemplate and discuss your childbirth goals and ideals. 

Everything didn't go exactly as I imagined when Juliana was born (she was face-up so I had a lot of painful back labor, there was meconium in the fluid so they had to check her out and I didn't get to hold her immediately), but in general I was still able to have the kind of birth I desired.  Before having Juliana, I really hadn't thought much about childbirth until meeting with my midwives and taking a course geared toward natural childbirth.  Since then, childbirth has become a topic of particular fascination for me.  I love learning about the ways our bodies are created for birth and hearing positive birth stories.  I have come to view childbirth not just as something to get through with as little pain as possible but as an important, powerful experience in itself which results in a beautiful new baby.  Not to mention the end of being pregnant!

This time I already know one "hitch" in my plans beforehand.  I tested positive for group B strep (a bacteria up to 30% of women carry off and on, without actually being sick), which mainly means I will need to go to the hospital soon after labor starts to receive antibiotics.  I would have preferred to labor at home for a while before going to the hospital, but it shouldn't make a huge difference.  I should be able to create a comfortable laboring environment, and I feel confident in my midwife not pressing for unnecessary interventions.  I'm also not excited about being hooked up to an IV while receiving the antibiotics, since it will be harder to move around, but I'm glad it won't have to be the whole time.  Fortunately the baby's odds of receiving the infection are very small, 1 in 4000 when the mother receives antibiotics.

Aunt Becky's hand-sewn quilt with animal pictures she drew (she made a similar one for Juliana with pictures from children's books)

I still have a few more projects to keep me occupied as I wait for baby, but all of the vital things have been accomplished.  We have a car seat to take baby home from the hospital.  We have a baby sleeping basket in case baby actually sleeps on her own sometimes, and we have a bed rail for co-sleeping.  I have washed all our newborn clothes and blankets.  Baby also has a couple of really cute new blankets from Grandma Yaya and Aunt Becky.   I have a bunch of washed newborn diapers and some cloth wipes made.  I am working on a cloth book with pictures Juliana has drawn for baby, things like "babies with lots of tails" and "roads with tape."  It's supposed to be a present Juliana can give the baby, even though it will take a while for the baby to care.  We already have a big sister present for Juliana which is the important one.   So anytime baby wants to come she can just come right ahead.  Anytime baby, anytime.

Grandma Yaya crocheted this Noah's Ark afghan

Halfway Through, the Second Time Around

I have officially made it to 20 weeks, the halfway point in pregnancy.  It seems like a lot of people say the second pregnancy speeds by much faster, but I can't say I've found this to be true.  Of course, nobody ever says, "Time flies when you're throwing up all the time," so that could have something to do with it.  I am happy to announce that I haven't thrown up now for weeks, though!  I still have some bad days when I feel pretty sick, but most days I'm feeling more like my normal self.  I'm cooking again, able to eat a larger variety of foods, and getting the belly to show it.  Or maybe that's the baby.  It's really nice to enjoy food again!

Being pregnant the second time does have its differences.  For example, last time I didn't go to bed at 9pm, although I probably got more rest during the day.  I wasn't as sick last time, but when I was throwing up nobody was poking their head in asking to see my "hic-ups" and telling me to feel better.  Although I've been trying not to carry Juliana around much, I'm sure I'm doing more lifting this time.  And this time I get to enjoy Juliana's funny baby-related comments and wonder how she'll react to a brother or sister.

Last time I did a lot of walking and yoga, but I also made good use of our apartment's elevator.  I have been doing the same prenatal yoga video, but it is a little different with a small person holding your hand, trying to climb on your back, or crawling under your legs.  Maybe not as effective or focused, but definitely more interesting.  Sometimes Juliana does the yoga with me - her favorite pose is downward dog: "Now I'm a dog!"  For a long time, walking to class every day was about as much exercise as I could handle and I'm just getting back into walking or aerobics.  Living on the sixth floor has been helpful though!  If I want to get home, I don’t have much choice but to climb those stairs!

I miss some of the exciting newness of the first pregnancy, but I appreciate how much more familiar everything is the second time around.  I suspected I was pregnant almost a week before I got the positive test because I felt the same way as last time.  I haven't been worrying about every ache and twinge because I remember that it's normal.  I didn't start recognizing Juliana's movements until around 21 weeks, but this time I've been feeling movement for weeks already.  Lately the movement is more consistent and Kevin has already been able to feel some nudges from the outside.  I'm even getting some forcible jabs that make me think, "How did I miss this last time?"  While I'm still not huge, my belly has definitely grown faster.  Last time at 20 weeks most people who saw me still didn't realize I was pregnant.

When I was pregnant the first time we traveled to Beijing several times for prenatal appointments because I was concerned about getting the best care, I guess.  Looking back, I'm not really sure why it seemed necessary.  I now realize that most check-ups don't involve much more than a blood pressure check and listening to baby's heartbeat.  I weighed the cost and inconvenience of travel and decided our local hospital will serve just fine.  I do splurge to see the "expert" doctor at the new hospital though; it seems worth the $1.50.  Next week I will go back for an ultrasound (a whopping $15) and try to convince them to tell us the sex of the baby.  Chinese people aren't allowed to find out because of the overwhelming preference for girls, but they might tell us since we're foreigners.  I'm not counting on it, but it sure would be fun to know! 

While I still don’t know much about baby, I can make some speculations.  For example, she seems quite active compared to Juliana in-utero (who is now hardly the docile, sedentary type).  He also seems to be confused about what country he’s living in.  He loves Mexican food and all dairy while still being a bit skeptical of Chinese food.  Furthermore, she doesn’t seem to enjoy studying Chinese and is slyly undermining my efforts by sneaking away brain cells in the night.  Funny, huh?

Just 20 more weeks (or you might say, still 20 whole weeks!!) until we meet the little Ruvin in person!