9 Months Out!

Juliana's so silly sometimes!  She likes to play with her pacifier and put it in sideways and upside-down.

Now that the packing and moving and leaving China craziness is over and I am hanging out in America lounging in a ridiculously soft recliner and drinking extremely cold water, I thought I should give another Juliana update for those of you that haven't (or haven't yet) gotten to see her this summer.  People keep saying that 9 months is a significant age because she has now been "outside" longer than she was "inside."

While Juliana has certainly grown and has some adorably chubby legs, she is still a petite little kid. She can still fit into some of her 3-6 month clothes! Her long fingers and toes (along with her exceptionally tall Felt relatives) indicate height in her future, however.

Peering at the doggy

Some kids are on the go and getting all around the house by now, but Juliana is moving at her own pace. She still isn't crawling, although she has become adept at scooting around backwards and spinning in circles to get to what she needs. Just today she pulled herself up to standing for the first time. She is definitely more focused and detail oriented. She is content to sit and look at books for half an hour or will spent five minutes examining the tag on a toy. She also has an exceptional talent for finding cords.

Juliana is quite talkative despite her lack of words. Her favorite sounds are “bababababa” and high-pitched “eeeeeee!” She can say “dada” and “baba” (the Chinese version of dada). I try to get her to say “mama,” but she just responds with, “Baba. Dada. Dadadabababa.” Oh well. She loves me anyway.  She also loves to wave bye-bye and clap her hands.

Discovering watermelon

Juliana has been eating solid food for about three months now, and she usually eats with a relish. We often add garlic seasoning. She loves it, and I think it's fun having a baby with garlic breath. I have tried to introduce finger foods, but she's still doesn't quite get it. She still only has 2 teeth, though, so she doesn't have a lot to chew with. She will put everything into her mouth except finger foods. She just looks at cheerios like, “what is this?” and has a good time throwing them on the floor. She does enjoy sucking on a nice piece of watermelon, though. She still nurses throughout the day (and once or twice at night), and I plan to continue nursing her for a while longer.

A very exciting recent development is that she has finally started to sleep decently!! Our last week in China she started sleeping a 5-6 hours stretch at night. Then we had to go and mess everything up with jetlag. The last week was not so fun, with Juliana waking up every half hour more often than not and didn't want to sleep at all until 3-4am. I was afraid she would never go back. But then these past few night she has started sleeping better again. Last night – get this – she slept from 8:30pm-3am, woke up briefly, slept from 3-4am, was changed and nursed, and then slept from 4:30-7:30am. Amazing! We are filled with hope. One day she may even learn how to nap well.

Loud squeal in process

One of the things I love most about Juliana is that she is really happy almost all the time. She smiles frequently and laughs easily. So long as someone is around to talk to her every so often, she will play contentedly with her toys for an increasingly long time. Any form of peek-a-boo is sure to make her squeal with joy. The Felt's dog makes her super excited, as do books, bathtime, other children, measuring cups, tickling, mirrors...well, she gets a kick out of most things in life. And she just loves her mama and daddy, except when we are putting her to sleep or ganging up on her with the bugger-sucker.

Riding around in her new Ergo carrier ($20 on Chinese taobao.com)

She is adjusting well to America, although she is a bit leery of all the 'foreign' faces. When she met new Chinese people she almost always treated them like her best friends. She does warm up to Americans...after she takes some time to figure out why they look so funny. She loves all the new fun toys at Gramps and Nana's. She is getting to experience carpet and grass and non-toxic bathwater. She is not a fan of the car-seat, however, and usually loudly protests this unfair confinement.

She doesn't look like a little baby anymore; I believe she has officially graduated to Big Baby status. She is cuter than ever, if that is possible. Her hair is slightly longer and still blond with a tiny red tint. Her eyes are still bright blue, much to the delight of every Chinese person. And we get to see her little dimples whenever she smiles, which is about every 10 seconds.

So to sum it all up, she's pretty much the greatest baby ever. Hope you get to see her soon!

Posing with her new Chinese friend and waving bye-bye

Honorary Father's Day

Sunday, aka. REAL Father's Day, was the longest day ever. Literally – our day was 39 hours long, and unfortunately about 24 of it was spent in travel. Not such a fun way for Kevin to spend his first father's day, though he did get to eat Burger King and El Pollo Loco, watch almost all of a movie on the plane, and sleep for at least an hour. Or was it half an hour? Anyway, we decided it would be best to have an honorary Father's Day on a day that involved a little less travel and a little more sleep.

In honor of Kevin's first honorary Father's Day, I thought I would share a few of the ways I think he is already a great father. In no particular order...

*He changes a lot of diapers. I know there is that whole stereotype of men never changing diapers, but from day one Kevin has changed tons of diapers. I think he has officially gained expert status.

*I really, really appreciate our similar parenting philosophies. I know some guys hate to have a baby sharing their bed, but Kevin has been totally cool with co-sleeping. He hasn't wanted to do 'cry it out,' even though it would probably be the easiest solution. When I threw out the idea of doing a little Elimination Communication (infant potty training), Kevin was like, “Ok, let's start today.” When we go on walks, he's more likely to go for the baby carrier than the stroller. When I talk about the weird/non-traditional parenting ideas I read about, he doesn't just say, “That's crazy!” Except maybe when I was explaining placenta encapsulation...

*It's obvious that Juliana loves her daddy! Even if she is in the middle of nursing, she gets totally distracted when Kevin comes into the room. She twists all around to follow him with her eyes and tries to catch his attention so she can beam at him.

*Kevin plays fun games like 'toss the baby in the air' and 'blow rasberries on the baby's tummy' that can make Juliana's fuss turn into giggles mid-cry.

*He doesn't shirk from 'nighttime parenting.' After I get Juliana ready for bed, Kevin sits with her, pats her back, sings to her, and helps her go to sleep, even when it takes an hour. When she wakes up during the first part of the night, Kevin gets her back to sleep, even if she wakes up 5 times in 3 hours. If I have been up with her for two hours and am about to lose it, he takes over. Sleep has definitely been the most challenging aspect of parenting this child, and I don't think I could have stayed sane without Kevin's nighttime help.

*Like every new father, Kevin felt very hesitant about his parenting abilities at first. It took him (and me!) a little while to figure out how to handle the baby. I don't know if he still feels completely confident, but I think he acts like a natural. He can do pretty much everything except nurse her, and can do most things with ease. When I have been bedridden with a stomach bug (which has happened several times), Kevin has taken care of Juliana all day long and gotten up with her all night long.

*I know it is often more difficult for guys than girls, but Kevin is learning how to multitask! He has learned how to heat up baby food one handed while holding the baby. He can work on the computer while Juliana plays, pausing to interact with her every few minutes so she doesn't feel neglected. He can hang up laundry while entertaining the her (once he let her play in the washing machine, haha!).

*He is usually patient with me when I am complaining about the difficulty of being a parent, even though I complain a lot more than he does.

*He rarely gets frustrated with Juliana, even though she can be quite frustrating at times (say, wide awake at 2:30am).

*He has taken at least 242353425345 pictures of Juliana over the past nine months. No doubt that she is well documented. I'm glad that we have captured so many of her funny actions and adorable expressions.

*He is a great example for our students. Most of them are very surprised that Kevin is so involved in taking care of Juliana. They are used to men who have no idea what to do with a baby, and many of them have very distant relationships with their fathers. I think it's awesome that they can see how much Kevin loves Juliana (especially “even though” she is a girl).

Thank you for all your work and help Kevin.  I'm so glad that Juliana gets to have a father like you!

What's Wrong with this Picture?

This evening we saw a shocking sight:  A mother outside with her one month old baby.  The baby was not wrapped in a blanket.  The mother was alone.  And it was evening.  My first thought was, "That woman is going to get some serious scolding!!"  It was such an unusual sight it felt like a "What's wrong with this picture" scenario.

1. Babies are not allowed to go outside until they are three months old.  Mothers are not even supposed to go outside (or really even get out of bed - or, if you're really following tradition - even shower!) for the first month after giving birth.  Maybe this mama's month was just up and she making a quick escape.  Goodness knows I don't blame her.  But anyone knows that if you take a baby less than three months old outside (except to go baby-swimming) they will surely die.

2.  The baby was NOT wearing enough layers.  One small, sleeper outfit with only minimal padding.  A towel hanging underneath but not even wrapped around.  Not only could I see the baby's head - I could see the BODY.  That is just wrong.  Sure it's June (though surprisingly cool today).  But that woman better get some more clothes on that baby or it will surely die.

(Incidentally, the woman reprimanded ME for not having socks on Juliana!  What??  Go cover your own baby in blankets and then you can talk.)

3. A mother alone with her baby?  This woman needs some relatives around.  Ideally a doting/scolding grandmother or two.  At least, a clueless but helpful husband.  You might see a grandmother alone with a baby, but not a mother.  Everyone knows mothers don't know what they are doing.

4.  This less than three month old baby who was not wearing enough clothes was outside in the evening.  The sun had already started to set.  Babies can't be out in the evening!  They will surely die.

This poor baby.  It doesn't stand a chance.  And the poor mother.  I pity the scolding she will get when the grannies discover her negligence.  She looked so nice.  And the baby looked so cute and little (and seemed to have no intention of keeling over anytime soon).  It's back to banishment for you guys!  See you in a few months.

Good China Day

Today was a good China day. This morning I taught one of Kevin's classes. I haven't been teaching this year because I have been staying at home taking care of Juliana. I am glad to be able to be with her, but I do miss teaching. These were students I had taught last year and they were excited to see me; they clapped when I walked in. Nothing like a warm welcome!

This morning I heard from a graduated student I spent a lot of time with over the past few years. She has been in south China all term and I didn't expect to see her again before we left. She sent a message that she is supposed to return just a few days before we head to America, so hopefully we will be able to see her again once more!

In the afternoon, our student Alice came over to see us – the baby. She has been tremendously helpful to us lately. Many students are willing, even eager to help us, but Alice is also particularly competent at helping us, both because she is a native of Weinan, thereby possessing much valuable local information and contacts, and because she is confident and responsible. She enjoyed hanging out and being entertained by Juliana, who is always willing to step up put on a show. Today, she entertained us all by accomplishing her first substantial movement all the way across the living room floor – scooting backwards! I imagine soon she will be crawling, but for the moment she hasn't quite figured out how to propel herself forward. She finds this quite frustrating when lunging for a toy in front of her only to find herself inching further and further away.

Alice was touched when I passed on my giant stuffed giraffe to her. Though I am a big fan of her (the giraffe), I decided she is a bit bulky to ship seeing as she would need her own large suitcase. Alice was happy to take her into a good home, however. She told me it was almost her birthday (which I didn't know) and this would be a nice first birthday present. The only thing is I forgot to tell her the giraffe's name is Gloria.

Apparently it was good timing for the passing off of the giant giraffe because I discovered that Juliana has developed a fear of her. Juliana looked at her (the giraffe) with large, frightened eyes and started crying. I don't know why, since every fourth toy is a giraffe of some form. Perhaps it's the fact that this giraffe is approximately 6x the size of the baby.

Alice has been helping us figure out how to ship our belongings to Yinchuan, and today she brought the good news that we will be able to ship our things by railway straight from Weinan to Yinchuan – all of it for less than $150. Additionally, we found out we finally officially have an apartment waiting in Yinchuan. It certainly will not be as nice as this luxury apartment we have been living in (no heated floors, but there is heat), but it's hard to argue with $115/month. It is also on the campus of the school where we will be studying for convenient access to classes.

The other goodness of the day is harder to describe. It is something in the (relatively) clear air, all the recent blue skies (with real clouds even, white clouds!), the trees that have really filled out this year, and the birds that have filled those trees. Walking outside, seeing the green of the trees, hearing the little birds chirp as they hop on the sidewalk, feeling the warm sunshine, seeing the familiar grannies...all of it gave me a feeling of familiarity. If I didn't know better, I would say it was a feeling of belonging.

Perhaps I am just feeling sentimental since we are getting ready to leave Weinan, but recently I have been having these pleasant feelings that I have before only ever associated with home. It's like...China is becoming beautiful. Beautiful in a way that only the familiar can be. And I almost didn't feel sad about leaving Weinan because I think that perhaps I will find the same feeling elsewhere too.

So if you don't count the hour trying to get Juliana to take a nap or the two hours trying to get her to fall asleep, plus the subsequent pulling out of my hair, all in all it was a pretty good China day.

Moving On

I can hardly believe we only have one month left in Weinan! I am excited about going back to America this summer (though not eager for the baby + 13hr flight and baby + jetlag). But I am reluctant to leave Weinan for several reasons.

First of all, it has become our home over the past three years. It's been a while since I've lived in the same place for three years without once having to move, and I rather like it. I like staying in the same place. I like familiarity. I like walking past the same buildings and trees and unlocking the same door day after day. I probably like it all the more since I realize it won't last. Even if I don't really know most of our neighbors, I recognize them and we greet each other on the elevator. I recognize the little old grannies who sit outside and know which ones will scowl and scold and which ones will smile (while scolding).

I can run out to the little vegetable shop across the street and be back in ten minutes. I know where to find everything I need at the supermarket. We have our favorite restaurants and know which dishes are best at each place. The waitresses know us well enough to not get all flustered by our foreignness, and they know which dishes we are likely to order. We know which little crooked, washed-out path leads up to the old railroad tracks that give easy access to the countryside.

We have been here long enough to watch an entire apartment complex be built and settled, several other apartment complexes rise from the ground, new roads built, several fields plowed down and turned into a driving school, the parking spots outside our apartment fill up with cars...and granted these things can happen virtually overnight in China, but we really have seen the city change over the past three years.

And besides all that, we have students who know us and like us. They come to visit. They help us with whenever we need. They are terribly sad to see us go, and we will miss them as well.

Those are the sentimental reasons I am sad to go. I am also sad because moving means packing - lots of packing. Every time I move I wonder, “Where did all this stuff come from?” I came to China with two suitcases. Two suitcases! And now...well, we already have 12 boxes filled and there is still a lot left to pack. While I feel good that we have finally gotten some packing done, it is still overwhelming. And we don't even have to move furniture!

One tiny issue which makes packing difficult is that Juliana is afraid of packing tape. Or more specifically, she is disturbed by the sound of the tape. She cries whenever she hears it. Unfortunately, there is a lot of packing tape in our future.

We are also still working on how we will get our things from here to our new home in Yinchuan. I'd like to just load everything into a U-Haul, but it's not quite that simple. We are planning to ship things via railway, we just have to figure out little details like how to get it to the railway station and how to get it delivered on the other end. Fortunately our helpful student, the same one whose uncle gave us a bunch of boxes, is helping us find out how it will work.

Still, I am trying to look on the positive side of things. Every thing that we ship means one less thing we will need to buy in Yinchuan. And the cost of shipping is low enough it is more cost-effective to keep what we have. Also, packing and moving is a good opportunity to purge, and I do appreciate a good purge. I can't imagine how much stuff would accumulate if we lived somewhere for say four or five years!

Fortunately,(and not so fortunately) that will probably never happen.

"The World is My Best Friend"

My new favorite picture of the beautiful baby!

You wouldn't know it from the picture, but Juliana has entered into separation anxiety phase with a vengeance - just in the past week or two it has hit full force.  If I even look like I am thinking about starting to leave the room, she starts crying.  Sometimes she can be distracted by someone else; other times she persistently continues to scream until I come back to rescue her.  Sometimes she is not even content to see me; she also has to be touching me or sitting in my lap or gnawing on my arm before she is content.  It's sweet that she likes me so much, but my goodness!

Fortunately, stranger anxiety has still been held at bay.  In fact, she seems to have the complete opposite of stranger anxiety.  This weekend we were at a bunch of tourist places in Xian, constantly surrounded by crowds, and for the most part, she loved it.  She was probably touched about 23322303254354 times in the past few days.  Maybe that's an exaggeration, but at any rate, she was definitely touched by hundreds of people.  She made it into innumerable vacation photo albums.

She was also given all kinds of free stuff: a tomato, a plastic castanet, an souvenir key chain, a McDonald's mini ice-cream cone.  The only thing she actually got to benefit from was the castanet, which she thinks is pretty fun.  Anything that makes a banging noise is a big hit.

Juliana is really quite a good traveler.  It was hot and she was tired and probably a little dehydrated and she was getting tired of being in the carrier, but at the end of the day she still flirted with the crowds on the bus.  She is such a ham.

In fact, sometimes she does better with all the attention than I do.  I feel like most of the time I am pretty laidback, recognizing there is no way I can keep a bazillion people from touching her hands unless I cloister her at home.  I know that most people around have never seen a foreign baby before and are completely awestruck by the sight.  And she is pretty darn cute, so I can't blame them for staring.  I don't mind people touching her hands, taking her picture, and stopping to admire her, especially since she doesn't seem to mind it. 

But after a while the crowds were starting to get to me.  There were those few incredibly pushy people...the ones who try to wrench your baby out of your arms because they really want to hold her.  One lady kept trying to shove me out of the way and forcibly turn Juliana's head so she could get a good picture.  Not okay.  I was pretty mad, but even at that point, Juliana didn't get upset.  She definitely lives in the right country.

What about Death?

by Ruth

Last month we learned that one of our former students died.  His English name was "Today," and he was a junior student this year.  I taught his class last spring, and though I didn't know him well, he was a very friendly boy, actually involved in class, and a good student.  I could tell he was well liked by all his classmates.

He couldn't have been more than twenty or twenty-two and he died of liver cancer, the same cancer that had killed his mother and grandmother in the past few years.  Apparently Today knew he was dying and chose to stay at school because he wanted to be around his friends and classmates.  We didn't know of his disease until after his death, and I can't help but wonder: last year as he sat in my class, smiling and talking, did he already know of his illness?

His classmates and friends struggle to make sense of the loss of this young life.  No one wants to think about death; no one wants to believe it could happen to someone their own age.  One of his friends told us their teachers didn't know how to handle his death.  They told the students that what they should learn from this is to be good students and work hard.  Somehow I doubt that did much to answer the questions or fill the void left by his loss.

This is not the first encounter we have seen of death among our students.   Earlier this year, one of our freshmen students died suddenly from a heart condition after collapsing during PE class.  Two years ago, a student jumped from the teaching building.  Several years before when I was in Yangzhou, we also had a student suicide.  It seems that so many students have already lost a parent or a friend.  Just last week, a student apologized for missing Kevin's class; her father had died.  Despite their best effort to forget it, they know that death is real.

In Yangzhou, I was surprised by students' response to the suicide.    While there was never any official acknowledgment of the suicide, I knew the students were all affected by it. With typical western directness, I talked about it with them in class.  Many of them said, "It was irresponsible," which would not have been my first thought after a suicide.  When asked why a person might do that, most said they it was probably because of pressure.  Several students came over to visit saying they just wanted to be with me because they were troubled by being alone.

Following the suicide here, many students were afraid.  They told us they couldn't sleep; they kept picturing the body they had seen, covered by a bloody sheet.  They stayed up rehashing the details with their roommates but with no resolution.

Suicide is certainly even more troubling in its own way, but any kind of death causes us to slow down and think about life and death and what happens afterward, whether we want to or not.  And yet, how do we deal with death?  Particularly the death of someone so young, taken by disease, accident, or their own desperation.  Mostly it seems that people try to ignore and move on.  Leaders don't want to lose face or incur blame.  Teachers are at a loss for words.  Students continue to smile and talk and go about their daily lives, except at night when they are too troubled to sleep.

Death is a particularly relevant topic this time of year.  Earlier this month the Chinese celebrated (maybe celebrated isn't the right word...) Qing Ming or "Tomb Sweeping" festival, a holiday to honor the ancestors and care for their graves.  It goes a lot deeper than just sweeping off a grave, however; people burn paper money, houses, cars, clothes...all kinds of things their ancestors might need in the afterlife.  By taking care of their ancestors, they are hoping their ancestors will in turn "take care of them," or at least not come back to make their lives miserable.

This was also the month of Easter, the Christian holiday celebrating the triumph of life over death.  I know what Easter means to me.  New Life. Hope. Love. Victory over death.  To most students, it means nothing.  A few might think of bunnies, candy, or dancing (I know dancing has nothing to do with Easter but for some reason students are convinced that every western holiday involves dancing).  How do I show them hope?  How do I help them find meaning in life and death?

I am not the only one thinking about the problem of death.  Along a rather different vein, China Daily (the English version of China's official newspaper) has dedicated a portion of their website to "Education on Death."  The editor's note at the beginning reads:

To be or not to be, that is the question.

More than a question, death is a taboo subject in Chinese culture and education.

The curriculum provides rare discourse about death, which everyone definitely will face, the moment to say the final goodbye to their beloved and the world. It was in 2008, after the deadly Wenchuan earthquake killed tens of thousands of Chinese, that some universities piloted programs to help students develop a rational understanding of death.

Previous media reports found that Chinese parents strongly objected to any attempt to talk about death in the classroom. But, can we really avoid it? Isn't it a core part of life?

This special coverage "Education on Death" aims to present arguments for China to promote death education and ways in an environment traditionally hostile to the topic.

And now, today, talk of death is suddenly all around us because of Bin Laden [whose death I became aware of through a dozen Facebook statuses (stati?).  That's where I see most of my news nowadays, which is admittedly pathetic on my part.]  Should we rejoice because an evil man is gone?  Should we be saddened because after all he was a person?  Perhaps both?  I know it should be significant to me, but to be honest, it feels so far away.  I just keep thinking about all those who die so quietly...no news, no fanfare, hardly even a ripple...just family and friends left behind wondering what to do now.

It's a Blog Party!

When I was wandering around on some blogs the other day, I discovered a "natural parenting" blog party!  Now, I don't really know what a blog party is, but i thought it sounded like fun so I decided to join in.  This isn't technically a parenting blog.  It started as a "living in China" blog and drifted into a "baby-baby-baby-China-baby" blog.  And I'm only a partly natural parent (I use disposable diapers, after all!)

Apparently a blog party is a chance to explore the blogs of other people who are a little bit like you, and I have been enjoying doing just that.  Confession: I love reading blogs.  Since I don't have enough actual friends who keep blogs, I also read blogs of people I vaguely know, and more recently, of complete strangers.  I feel my blog fascination can be partly excused since there are very few instances in my real life when I am around people who are very much like me.  Of course it is no good to expect everyone to be just like me, particularly living in a foreign country, but sometimes (and I am finding, particularly in parenting), it can be rather reassuring.  It has been fun exploring some blogs of other 'weird' people who make my parenting choices seem pretty normal.

Part of this blog party includes sharing answers to a few "get to know you" parenting questions.  By the way, I think it would be fun to hear your own answers as well, parenting styles and blogging status not-withstanding.

1. How many children do you have and how old are they?

One daughter, 7 months old

2. Do you have a partner or are you a single parent?

Kevin and I have been married for 3.5 years, and I'm so glad he is into attachment parenting too.

3. What are your "hot button" parenting issues?

- Convenience parenting: Decisions and parenting methods motivated more by the desire to make your baby fit into your life with less hassle than by what is actually best for your baby.

- The push to make your baby independent as fast as possible (Americans get so carried away with this!  I don't even think independence is the ultimate goal anyway - we're created to need other people and for others to need us...interdependence.)

-"Experts" who make you feel guilty for doing what you feel is best for your baby instead of following their method.

4. Have you made any parenting choices that you didn’t think you would make before you were a parent, i.e. cloth diapering a child when you had previously thought it was disgusting?

Oh, lots!  I didn't expect to have my baby sleep with me at all, and certainly didn't think she'd still be co-sleeping part time at 7 months old.  I thought I would be much more scheduled.  I didn't think I would be opposed to "cry it out," especially after so many months of terrible sleep.  I plan to breastfeed for longer than I originally thought.  I definitely didn't think I'd ever be holding my baby over a potty and whistling for her like those crazy Chinese people. :)

5. Is there a book or person in particular that has heavily influenced your parenting choices?

Dr. Sears - The Baby Book and website.  I didn't know anything about it until after having a baby, but now I love Dr. Sears.  I appreciate the practical, balanced, reassuring info about attachment parenting.  It really emphasizes getting to know your baby and figuring out what works best for you, rather than following any set method or expert.  It's all about promoting attachment and creating a loving, secure environment instead of 'training' your baby and stressing independence.

6. If you had to describe each of your children using only one word, what word would you use?

Social!

7.Is there one parenting decision that you regret more than others and wish you could change?

Well, I haven't been a parent for very long so hopefully I haven't screwed up TOO badly yet. :)  I wish I would have thought more about parenting styles/decisions before giving birth.

8. Is there an area of your parenting you wish you were better at?

Balance - Being able to be a good mom to Juliana while not neglecting other areas of life

9. is there one particular food or type of food that you could eat every day?

Chocolate.  Or cereal.  But not chocolate cereal.

10. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate?

Chocolate chip cookie dough.  Or mint chocolate chip.  Or cookies and cream.  Dang,  I want some ice-cream!

11. What's your guilty pleasure?

Reading other people's blogs

12. If you could be part of any television show, which show would it be?

The Gilmore Girls.  I think it would really promote my sarcastic education.  And then I could indulge in all those yummy, horribly unhealthy foods they're always eating.  I would totally bomb out on the pop-culture references, though.

Baby Star goes to Hospital

America: Make an appointment and go to pediatrician's office. Doctor examines baby and gives appropriate immunizations. Go home.

American in China: Slightly more complicated...

The first time Juliana needed a check-up in the fall, we discovered we couldn't get all the immunizations she needed where we are. So we made a 12 hour trip to Beijing to an international clinic where we shelled out a bundle of money for the appropriate imported vaccines. At Juliana's second check-up in Thailand, not only was she able to get all the vaccines she needed, they sent us back with the vials we would need for her 6 month immunizations, packed up in an ice-chest for travel. We had the vaccines; now all we needed was the doctor. Simple, right?

Haha.

Actually, it wasn't too bad, but it was quite a bit more interesting than your average pediatrician's visit in America.

Our student Alice lives in Weinan and is always eager to help us out with things, so she took us to the local women and children's hospital, a convenient 15 minute walk away. As soon as we walked into the hospital, the lobby was abuzz with excitement. Foreign baby alert!

The hospital was impressively clean, though the unfinished cement hallways were dim. We walked up to the fourth floor, passing the “baby swimming/bathing” section.  You may recall a few months ago when we took Juliana swimming, but at a private facility instead of the hospital. The hallway was crowded with dozens of people holding tiny babies and toddlers. At least, I think there were small babies inside the giant quilt bundles. Alice said most of them are probably waiting for their babies to have a bath.

We peered into a quiet exam room where a doctor was sitting with a mother and baby in a strangely private calm. Until we walked in. Suddenly the room was filled the excited chatter of the dozen people who had joined our entourage. Nurses flocked from other rooms to squeal over the foreign baby. A crowd formed. Several women grabbed Juliana's hands while another touched her face. Several shoved their disinterested babies in her direction. They jabbered about her oh so white skin and her smile and how old she must be and how little clothes she was wearing. Juliana beamed and laughed; she loves to be in the spotlight and had just made a dozen new friends.

One difference between Chinese and American babies is that Chinese babies wear a lot more clothing, [understatement of the year]. Take this day, for instance. It was 80* outside. Juliana was wearing a fleece pajama-type outfit. Fleece in 80* weather? Sounds crazy, right? Except that Juliana's Chinese counterparts were wearing anywhere between 2-5 inches more clothing than her. The older babies were dressed in giant padded outfits (thick enough they could probably be dropped from the second floor without injury). The younger babies were completely hidden under giant blankets. Thick, adult size blankets, wrapped all the way around their heads with only a tiny bit of face peeking out. Several babies were red and sweating profusely, but the others seemed to have already adjusted, which is good, considering the lifetime of layers ahead of them. I look at them and think, never in her life has Juliana come close to wearing enough clothes.

Alice and I leave Kevin holding baby, surrounded by the crowd in the exam room to go back downstairs to pay. At Chinese hospitals you always pay upfront. Today the fee is a little steep – 30Y, or about $4.50. Back upstairs to the exam room, where the nurses have commandeered the baby and are taking pictures on their cell phones.

The doctor completes the standard exam, checking her height and weight and saying she is too small, which compared to Chinese babies she probably is. How do such chubby babies turn into such tiny grown-ups? They check her various abilities and flex her limbs like they are doing Thai massage.

We were a little concerned about her scar from the TB vaccine two months ago, which has begun to look irritated. They say it is inflamed and Alice says we will go to have another doctor look at it. I think I hear her say something about going “to surgery,” and images of Kevin's horrible experience getting his back sliced open immediately pop to mind. If they try to bring a scalpel near my baby, I'm making a run for it. Fortunately, when we walk downstairs, the doctor just swipes it with what we presume to be iodine and says it's okay.

Now it is time for immunizations, but we have a problem; since they don't know what the medicine is (the info is all in English and Thai), nobody wants to administer the shots. I am impressed and annoyed at the same time. Never in a million years would an American doctor shoot you up some unknown medication you carried in off the street. It would be a giant lawsuit waiting to happen. I didn't think it would be quite such a big deal here, though. Half a dozen doctors discuss it together, examining the medicine boxes, while Alice tries to persuade them to take the chance. Finally one of the nurses agrees to do it if we sign a paper saying the hospital is not responsible. She writes something up on a scrap piece of paper, and Alice translates so I can write up an English version, three sentences taking responsibility for these unknown drugs that are about to be given to my baby. I sign both papers and we prepare for the injections.

The second problem is that the doctors aren't sure how to give the shots. We pull out giant page of warnings and finally at the bottom find instructions. That's right, instructions. We argue for a few minutes over where to inject the medicine (the instructions say the thigh, where they were giving in Thailand, but the doctors say they never give shots in the thigh). We pull out the vials and needles and examine them together. Alice translates the instructions to the nurse, who knows what she is doing after all. Once she saw the vials she must have realized it wasn't so different from Chinese vaccines.

The nurse hesitates to give the first shot because she hates to make the happy baby cry. As the first shot is injected, Juliana predictably starts to wail. Everyone in the room (six or eight doctors and nurses) gather around, clucking and chirping and waving arms and keys and whatever else they can think of to make her smile again. Any other baby probably would have been completely overwhelmed, but for Juliana it does the trick; she is smiling again just in time for her second injection.

Except that the doctors and nurses can't figure out how to attach the needle for the second shot. Apparently it is a different type than they use in China. They ask us (as if we would know) and we make some conjectures, they fiddle around and discuss a bit more, and finally they figure it out. Not exactly a confidence booster, but I guess it will all work out. Injection two completed, baby wails for another thirty seconds until distracted by a toy. The immunizations are complete, and we stop back by the cashier desk to pay our 6Y (90 cent) injection fee before heading home.

Never a dull moment for the foreign baby.

A Little Sleep

by Ruth
I know you have been eagerly waiting for an update of Operation Juliana Sleep.  Okay, or you couldn't care less.  But I'm going to tell you anyway!

We are now 50 days into "No Cry Sleep Solution" methods of trying to get Juliana to sleep better.  The first 44 days were incredibly depressing.  I can't say there was no progress, but it sure seemed that way.  Juliana's naps got better, and she started going to sleep more easily, but she was still waking up 5+ times a night and never sleeping longer than 2 hours.  44 days might not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it's a long time.  A very long time.  Especially when you have already been sleep deprived for 6+ months. Usually several times a week I ended up crying in the middle of the night because I was so tired and frustrated.

BUT in the past few days we have actually, finally started to see some sleep improvement!  Not just for one night, but for several nights in a row.  The other night, Juliana slept for 4.5 hours in one stretch!  4.5 hours!  She has only slept longer than that two or three times in her entire life.  For several nights now she has only woken up three times during the night!  That might not seem great, but three is sooo much more manageable than five or ten times.  It's not yet "sleeping through the night" (defined as 5+ hours), but it is more than I dared hope for.  I have actually started to believe this may work!

Not only that, but Juliana has been taking many 2 hour naps (up from 30-45 minutes), and the other day she napped for 1.5 hours in her crib!  This is unprecedented.

Juliana is still convinced that she doesn't need more than eight hours of sleep at night, and consequently has started waking up at 6 or 6:30am to make up for that extra sleep time during the night.  I'm not thrilled about that.  And sometimes it still takes 40 minutes to get her to fall asleep for a nap, and sometimes she tries to wake up every 5 minutes of her nap.  But slowly, things are improving.  And without ever leaving her to cry.

I think this nighttime sleep thing is a huge breakthrough.  I am tentatively thrilled.  Tentatively, because I'm not yet at all convinced she won't flip back to her old ways any night now.  But I have hope for the future, for the first time in ages.

Additionally, the past few nights I have been pumping some milk so Kevin can take over the first night feeding, meaning that I have been getting 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep!  Well, I still wake up at least every couple of hours because my body has forgotten how to sleep anymore, but I don't have to get out of bed or stay awake.  It's amazing to go to bed at 9pm and know that I won't have to get up until 3am.  This new influx of sleep is both wonderful and a bit dangerous at the same time.

Dangerous, because all of a sudden my body seems to remember this kind of sleep is possible and is yelling, "Give me more!!"  I have actually felt more tired/sleepy/foggy than normal in the past few days.  I also feel just enough more with it for my mind to start going crazy as it realizes I have accomplished nothing in the past 6+ months.  Last night I lay awake past the ungodly hour of 9:30pm, my thoughts going crazy, enthusiastically jumping every 5 seconds to completely unrelated topics.  It reminded me of that time in Gilmore Girls where Loralei traces her chaotic thought patterns...

"My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. I'm writing a letter, I can't write a letter, why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, 'Casablanca' is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!"

That's kinda what my thought pattern was like.  I keep having bizarre, irrational thoughts.  However, the fact I can recognize their irrationality reassures me that perhaps I am not completely crazy yet.

For example.  The other night I woke up and bumped my foot into Kevin's.  He kind of jerked it away in his sleep, and for some reason I thought that seemed really weird.  I thought, "Maybe it's not Kevin's foot!"  I reached out to touch it again and he jerked it away again and I sat up all freaked out, "That doesn't feel like Kevin's foot!  There must be something at the bottom of our bed!  Maybe it is a small animal!  Oh no, maybe it's the baby!  Somehow she has ended up at the end of our bed and is suffocating!!"  I was looking over and seeing Juliana sleeping peacefully in her crib but at the same time still thinking, "Maybe it's the baby!"  I was picturing a little raccoon or baby possum wiggling around, as if we were camping instead of on a third floor apartment in the middle of the city in a country where I have never seen raccoons or possums.  I was a little bit more awake at that point and realized that both of these ideas were pretty crazy, but I still had to reach over and feel Kevin's leg to reassure myself that it was indeed his foot. 

It was pretty special.  Perhaps I still need more sleep.